One of my coworkers and my direct report simply rock the casbah. My second line and I have this fantastic working relationship, and she�s someone I definitely look up to and respect on a personal level too. My third line and I talk about baseball, and I appreciate that he�s so easy-going. My fourth line more than just knows my name -- He remembers a lot about the things everyone on our team mentions in our monthly �drink beer and get to know each other� meetings.

As far as work-related tasks go, they do a good job of breaking up the mundane crap with more interesting projects. They know that one of my coworkers is an editing superstar, so they give those docs to her. They know I�m a technical writing guru, so I get those docs. As for the third writer, they know she�s an idiot, so they have her copy and paste shit from web pages into the docs that the good coworker and I have to eventually work on.

Herein lies the only problem with my position: Coworker #3.

For background information, CW3 came into the department at the same time as CW2. I may be parallel to them in the org chart, but I�m the go-to person for organizing the group�s tasks, asking questions, and getting things done. CW2 has done fantastic work. Additionally, she�s funny, hip, and easy to get along with. Working with her has been a breeze. It gets done, it gets done well, and there are always pleasantries when all is said and done.

CW3, however, has been a royal pain in my ass since she�s arrived. The woman cannot comprehend the department�s documentation standards (several few-page documents that describe what each project should look like when finished and how to do it), and she�s caused a lot of rework. I�ve done my best to be Very Helpful and Nice (yes, in capital letters), and I didn�t even mind the repetition with the questions.

As I said, I�m Very Helpful and Nice. That�s just what we Very Helpful and Nice people do.

So my second line and I found ourselves post-pee at the bathroom sink, and she brought up a management issue regarding CW3 with me. It seems that CW3 called her rep company (she�s a contractor) and said that she was having a hard time asking questions. She apparently feels intimidated by little ol� me and CW2...

Someone feels this way: Fine. It�s a matter of opinion, so who am I to argue? However, don�t you ask me 12 questions before lunch and then meow to the big boss that I�m not being Very Helpful and Nice. As I mentioned above, the big boss (who is actually quite small) and I are on great terms. I�m my most diplomatic tone and language I say something along the lines of,

�Oh really? She seems to ask plenty of questions throughout the day. However, I have noticed that she does unnecessarily hesitate, many times saying something like, �Oh, I�ve been looking for that spreadsheet for 20 minutes.� This lapse really cuts down on productivity when 20 minutes is how long it takes to finish editing a checklist.�

Talk ensued and finished with, �Yes, the rework from her bonehead screw-ups really has gotten bothersome. I don�t appreciate spending two days to clean up her piddled little messes.�

All right. Edit that into (quite small) big boss speech. You get the picture.

So what happens that afternoon? CW3 screws something up. Really screws something up. It happens. It�s usually not too big a deal.

The way it basically played out was that I noticed she had something checked out from the previous week. I asked her to check it back in so I could get my work done, and she used the incorrect check-in feature. Her check-in faux pas would have nullified all of her changes.

She asks meekly afterwards, �Would that have nullified all of my changes?�

Why, yes it would.

She started bellowing about that, her lost work, etc., etc., etc. When I told her not to worry about it. There wasn�t anything we could do about it, so we needed to just move on. I assigned it to CW2, the super editor that she is, and went on with things. Apparently CW3 took my calm demeanor to mean that I didn�t think she had done the doc at all and that I believed she intentionally checked it in incorrectly to avoid anyone finding out.

Right... Ya know, since I said that and all.

Of course her defensiveness and insistence leads me to believe otherwise...

So, because I am evil when spurned, we had the tech guru come over because he knows how to retrieve docs from the hidden folders. i.e., if actual work had been done on this doc, he�d be able to pull it up.

Nuthin�. Nada. Zip. Zelch. Zero. Goose egg. Insert blank stare here.

�Well, CW3, it looks like we�ve got no luck on that one.� [shrug] As I turn away and snicker to myself.

Since then she�s not only screwed up plenty more (and I do mean PLENTY MORE), but she�s also taken a lot of personal calls in hushed tones. The dearie sits a mere ten feet from me. And guess who can hear all?

With the complaining she does about her job, you�d think we were trolls performing spinal cord surgery over here. Damn it sure is tough to edit three-page documents! Damn it�s hard to remember to turn on the track changes feature before horking with stuff. Damn it�s hard to remember verb and noun placement in a sentence when English is your first fucking language and you call yourself a professional editor.

But I digress.

If her ineptitude that causes severe set-backs wasn�t enough to aggravate me... If her constant sighing (68 times on Monday) and bad mouthing of the work (she�s more �big picture� than this �crappy stuff�) wasn�t enough to go ahead and permanently keep my eyes rolled back as I stifle my own sighs... If her grumbles to her contract rep didn�t try to make me look bad to my second line manager wasn�t enough to turn me all shades of reddish colors... Today took the cake.

This morning, during one of her many whispered calls, I couldn�t help but strain my ears when I heard my name mentioned. Yes, my name was mentioned. And you wouldn�t believe what followed...

�Maybe if I was cuter, they would all like me too.�

I almost blew an aneurysm right then and there. Especially when she hung up the phone and very sweetly asked a question that was already answered in an email we received this morning.

Very Helpful and Nice.

You may add Very Cute to the list, but I damn sure didn�t ask for it to be capitalized.

Bring it on, bitch. Your ass is mine. �