T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o


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Updates in the Life of ChicagoJo, After Quite an Absence

2006-05-23    6:03 p.m.
No introduction or apologies needed. Let’s just jump right in.

The Neighbor

After getting the text message about him neglecting to mention having a kid, I was silent. I had no reason to call, text, or knock. D-o-n-e, done!

So two Fridays back I got a text message at 2:30 asking if I would be up for a drunken make-out. Um, no.

Fifteen minutes later I got another text message asking if I was awake. I half-way considered putting a towel under the front door so he couldn’t see that my lights were on.

At 3:30 that morning I got a phone call. I’m not one for monkey business, so I let it go to voicemail. He drunkenly giggled and said that he got us some food and that I should come over.

From someone who didn’t get too far with the smooches back when I had a little crush, who then forgot to mention having a kid, and who told me this info-bomb via text message, this is quite ballsy.

On Wednesday night I got another phone call. This time I answered since I’d had a good amount of tequila and knew that I’d tell him exactly what I thought about him and his way. After a different type of tongue lashing than the kind he was hoping for, we said goodnight.

The next night I got another message on my phone.

Will this man not stop?! I guess he wants the unattainable. In this case, I truly am. Try elsewhere, Hot Next-door Neighbor. You screwed up any chance of getting to see my boobs.

Dream Interpretation Needed

Last night I dreamed that I was pregnant, but I looked exactly as I look right now.

You guys have seen pictures. There’s no way there’s a 9-monther hiding in there.

I took it pretty well in stride, all things considered. However, I was really thrown off by this. I know there’s no way I could be pregnant. That would, ya know, involve a certain action that would combine two elements.

I figured if you couldn’t tell I was nine months along, it’s possible that this was some sort of Immaculate Conception.

My friends were less than cooperative with going along with this theory. And then to complicate things, some guy came forward and said that he was the father.

Now, I know I drink a lot... However, I know I’d know if I were to you-know-what. So I confront the guy (who ended up being 19 years old -- eek!), and he says that he’s just trying to defend my honor by stepping in as the father.

Um, no thanks.

And then I started worrying about the kid. Since I didn’t know I was with child, I’d done plenty of drinking in the past several months. This baby would be swimming in booze instead of amniotic fluid, and there’s nothing good about that.

So these are the elements for analysis: Pregnant. Can’t tell that I am. No explanation. Honor defended. Worried about past actions screwing it up.

Now onto the past days of the week:


With little to do that night, my friend Mr. Bond and I went to dlander Ohio21Boys’s improv show.

Back when I sat in the audience (instead of participating) in the Chic@go G@y M3n’s Ch0rus, I went to watch my friend Oz. He’s a great dancer, so there was plenty of opportunity for him to stand in the spotlight and let me think of it as The Oz Show. In my eyes, he was the most talented, most handsome guy out there and should be front and center for it all.

As for Ohio’s show, I thought the same.


After all, he was the funniest, the handsomest, and the best improv-er out there.

In other highlights for the evening, Mr. Bond introduced me to a great restaurant that we’ll have to hit up sometime.


I found myself with a taste for french fries, so I headed up to the restaurant where my friend works. Tuesday is a slow night, so she was able to sit with me on and off as I ate my fries and drank pink lemonade. She works the hours opposite of mine, so I don’t get to see her often. When given the chance to catch up with her, I will.

I spent the rest of the night in a sodium coma. Damn fries dunked in Heinz were good.


As mentioned briefly in the Hot Next-door Neighbor update, two girl friends and I got together on Wednesday night for dinner and drinks. This restaurant in the west part of town has a flat fee for a dinner and some tasty tequila drinks.

I downed a good amount of these drinks with chili powder in them. I don’t know what they were, but they were tasty. After the sweet potato dessert was served, we were outta there and in a cab for fun in Boystown.

I love my girlfriends!


Thursday started day #1 of my quarterly work meetings. I actually enjoy these get-togethers for the social aspects, as evidenced by this very night...

Meetings, meetings, meetings. Whatever.

Then we had dinner and drinks and some social stuff at a nearby Italian restaurant. My coworkers are really a lot of fun, so dinner and drinks is always a good time.

After the restaurant shooed us outta there, a select few headed to the Irish bar across the way.

And when Guinness and conversation were no longer what we were looking for, we hopped in a cab and ended up at the Very Bad Bar that I used to frequent some years back. A bartender recognized me, so my drinks were comp’ed for the night.

Some people dropped out at around midnight.

Another group headed out at two.

More left at four.

I, however, saw the sun rise with a new friend. And when my cell phone’s alarm went off (what usually tells me to wake up for work), I shrugged, hopped in the shower, and headed to my first meeting of the day.

My new friend didn’t fare so well. He slipped in the meeting mostly unnoticed at 10.


I got a few laughs when people asked about the “Four O’clock Club” and how I was able to get up that morning for work. Staying up all night really is key if your body can handle it. Apparently I’m one of the lucky few who can do it.

When the meetings finished off, I headed to the airport for a flight to DFW to visit Astral, my best friend. I got a lot of work done on the plane to help kick off the busiest two weeks I’ll have at work.

When the plane landed, the laptop got put up and forgotten about. I had far more important things to do. Like check out Astral’s new home. And blow bubbles in the yard. And draw with chalk on the back patio. And jump on the bed. And color with her son. And get him to say funny things.

I think my favorite two things he says would be when he’s watching Spiderman, he points at the screen and says, “Don’t hit Spiderman! That’s not nice!” And when you ask him what the Wicked Witch of the West says, he says, “I’ll get you my pretty... And your little dog too!”

He’s a damn cute kid, and I love him to pieces.


I took full advantage of Texas’ beautiful weather and threw on a halter top and short khaki shorts with my sandals, and we headed to Wal-Mart for $150 of cheap things to fill my suitcase to the max.

Wal-mart. Oh how I love thee.

After filling half the cart, we headed to a child’s birthday party. The kids were all pretty grumpy, but all was good. I stole a blinky bouncy ball made up of stars from one of the 3-year-olds. Yes, shame on me. Whatever. He forgot it even existed after 30 seconds of looking at the blinking.

After a quick nap and catching up, Astral and I went out for dinner. Suuuuushiiiii!

All I’d done since that afternoon was throw on a pair of jeans and re-did my lipstick, but it was apparently something nice because all eyes were on me. The sushi man gave us an extra-fancy setup with our after-dinner orange slices, and then I gave the other sushi guy a stare down with a raised eyebrow before I strutted outta there with my belly full of rolls.

On a whim we stopped at this bar for a couple beers. Soon before Astral’s current eye candy got there, we got bombed.

Now let me explain: Apparently someone needed to fart, so they got up from their table. As s/he walked by, s/he let it rip. We were laughing so hard, yet trying not to breathe in the fumes.

It reminded me of the time my ex went on vacation to NYC with my family. In one of the art museums someone stepped on his foot, turned, farted on him, and walked off. After he told us this, of course my brother, sister, and I did it to him every chance we could.

So back to the DFW trip. Astral’s man showed up. Holy cow, is this man beautiful! He makes me bat my eyelashes. Add to it that he’s well spoken and funny, and I have to say to Astral that she’s found quite a catch.

As the night wore down, Astral and I headed home and stayed up late talking.


Knowing these were our last hours in town, we got up early and headed to the Waffle House for breakfast. I finished my Wal-Mart shopping, and we putzed around the house until it was time to head to the airport.

With a really ugly bag in-hand, I headed to Chicago, working feverishly on the phone to try to make up for the hours I was supposed to work over the weekend.

When I got home, my friend Happy was at my house. (She and a bachelorette party crashed there for the weekend while I was out.) It was her bedtime, so we said our goodnights so she could sleep and I could work some more. By 1 a.m. I was wiped, and the laptop got put up.


I woke up really early to work some more, and then I worked until after 8 last night.

There’s nothing else to really note about Monday.


Today’s been pretty much a repeat of yesterday work-wise. However, there seems to be some crazy pheromones flying around today.

One guy who I talked with at last week’s meetings looked me up on the company intranet and emailed me a friendly hello. I think I have me a little crush...

And then another guy approached the office manager this afternoon and asked about my relationship status.

I’m expecting someone to slip me a note that says, “Do you like me? Check Yes or No.” However, it does make for an interesting workday

On that note, I need to stop writing. My files have copied over to where I need them, and it’s time to do some work on them.

Enjoy your evening, and I’ll try not to let it go for so long until I write again.  

Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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