It seems that every time I�m in there, someone�s giving it a go. There�s no shame whatsoever. And when she leaves the stall, she doesn�t even time it to when people aren�t in the public area of the bathroom.

These are not the bathroom rules I�m used to. I�m outta my element. If anyone reading this works with me, allow me to define the bathroom rules:

First off, be a sitter instead of a squatter. If you�re squeamish with the butt germs, use one of those paper seaty things. Just whatever you do, don�t piss on the seat and leave it. That�s a major no-no.

If there are several stalls open, don�t enter the one next to the only occupied one. Give a girl some space. You know good and well whether or not the handicapped bathroom is used by such a person in your office, so go ahead and use it. No one�s gonna be mad at you. No one�s gonna hit you with her cane. No one�s gonna chase after you in her supped-up electric wheelchair.

In the event that the handicapped bathroom isn�t available or if you can�t handle the big toilet, thus leaving your only option to enter a stall next to someone, fuss with your hair for a few moments until you hear that the person in the occupied stall is finishing up. Then -- and only then -- may you enter an adjacent stall.

The courtesy flush is a farce. Don�t waste the water. We know what you�re doing.

When you notice that someone is doing something that might require a courtesy flush, get out of the bathroom as quickly as possible. Now is not the time to check out your outfit, apply more makeup, or do any other sort of dawdling. Rinse your hands (no need to scrub the heck outta them unless you pissed on them� if you pissed on them, you weren't following the first rule, fool!), dry them off, and get the heck outta there.

Finally -- and probably most importantly -- the bathroom is not for socializing. Pee and be gone!

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