(Holy parenthetical notations Batman! It�s gonna be one of those entries!)

All right. So I know why it�s going to be one of those entries... And there�s a little explaining to do.

I took off for a 15 minute lunch break, just long enough to run to Taco Bell, make googly eyes at what turned out to be a married man, and head into Walgreen�s to get some cash for my airport-sitting. Vegan bean burritos in-hand, I headed to the cold drink section to grab myself a Diet Coke.

Only I don�t make it that far before a sale sign catches my eye: Two-liter Diet Pepsi for $1.49.

Now, I don�t care for Diet Pepsi. It�s far inferior to the fizzy-bubbles of wonder that is Diet Coke. However, I will drink it in a pinch. The frugal feeling hit, temping me momentarily to reach for the blue-wrapped container, shunning the $20-ounce $1.19 silver-wrapped one.

Then I had a brilliant idea: What if [gasp!] both Coke and Pepsi were on sale in the two-liter bottles?

I sighed to myself, having once worked for a grocery chain and knowing that the competing brands alternate the sales to maximize their sales during that week. However, I could not be stopped. $1.19 seemed a ridiculous price to pay for the 20-ouncer when I knew Diet Pepsi�s aspartame should taste the same to my tastebuds after I burn them off with Taco Bell�s Fire Sauce. But I was on a mission.

My efforts of walking an additional 30 feet paid off, and I left Walgreen�s with two liters of the preferred bubbly-licious beverage and my ATMed cash stowed safely in my wallet.

Herein the problem lies: It�s not a case of my eyes being bigger than my head; it�s more a case of my thirst being too big for my bladder.

It�s 3 p.m., and I�m more than halfway finished with my two-liter. I�ve peed four times since returning from my 12:30 lunch. I can only imagine how I�ll be when I have to ride the el for 35 minutes to get to Midway.

Oh yea -- Let�s not forget that I�ve got a case of the caffeine shakes.

Major shakes.

Old ladies schmold ladies.

Parkinson�s schmarkinson�s.

I�m giving the paint mixing thingy at Home Depot a run for its money with this amount of caffeine in my system.

I�m keenly aware of everything around me, and my eyes are open a full centimeter wider than usual and are making the corneas dry out rather quickly. I feel all coked up (HAR!) and paranoid, and my concentration has gone to shit.

Only once did I ever take caffeine pills, and this is about how I felt after downing one No-Doze to study for my biology test the next day. Yeah I�m awake, but I�m pretty dang useless.

It�s a good thing I had all of my work done for the day at 11 o�clock! Woo!�