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T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o

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Who Wants to be my Beneficiary?

2003-04-14� � 6:09 p.m.
Today while trying to do my taxes, I came across the will I typed up this time last year when I was flying to Chicago for a wonderful weekend away from the crap I was then calling my life.

I must say that I�m generally not this pessimistic, but I wanted to ensure that all would be easily taken care of should my plane go down in flames. After all, I had just become a mother to a wonderful cat named Hambone Coniferous. Also, at this time I was signing up for my Roth IRA and my work 401k. And who wants the government to decide who gets my yard gnomes and the Linux blanket I stole fair and square from Matt? (Yes Matt, Hambone really does prefer it to all of the other blankets...)

So I looked things over on my make-shift legal document: I�m of legal age and sound mind to make a will, Matt gets all of my crap if he cleans out the apartment, a list of my accounts, a list of my debts (oops -- there go the accounts!), a list of my credit cards, and some instructions of what to do with me.

I need to update a few of these accounts and whatnot, but there are some new additions to make in the last section that I�d like to share.

Plain and simple: donate me to a medical school. Let them decide what to do with my mess. I love science, and I think this would be the best use of what I�m no longer using.

If you insist on having a funeral of sorts, don�t put me in a box at the front of the room. That�s just spooky. Have some beer, eat some vegetarian snick-snacks, and talk about the stupid shit I�ve done.

There�s only one request that I make: I want a sign displayed at this funeral. Have it read, �Joanna always wanted to go to med school.�

Okay, now... Onto the fun stuff!

I am having an essay contest to see who wants to be my beneficiary. Send all applications here. The contest ends on 06/01/2003. I�ll announce the results then.

Yes, this is a contest to see who loves me the most.

And if I die before then, you're all shit outta luck.�



Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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