T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o


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Drunk Dialing Etiquette Rules

2003-07-22    10:00 a.m.
Something a little odd happened last night: I was on the receiving end of a drunk-dial. At 3:28 this morning (Yes, I consider this "last night" because it's still "night" until I actually wake up for the day. Just like breakfast is the term for anything that is the first meal of the day, bagels or not...), my cell phone rang.

"Chicago Jo, I love you."

"Thank you."

"Chicago Jo, will you have my babies?"

"Um, we'll see."

"Chicago Jo, I think I'm gonna throw up."

"Go lean against a wall, honey."

[long pause]

"Chicago Jo, Vegas is fun."


Is this what my drunk-dials sound like?

I think I'm more a "make up songs or sing you some Britney Spears" drunk-dialer. I also usually have enough sense to call your work phone on week nights so you have that Chicago Jo gold to make the beginning of your work day that much richer.

If you've been on the receiving end of one of my drunk-dials, let the guestbook know about it.

I’m in a list-writing mood lately, so this is similar to the bathroom and break-up rules...

Drunk Dialing Etiquette Rules

(1) Leaving white girl raps about how much someone’s job sucks and how little he or she is appreciated and compensated on one’s work voicemail does indeed start a friend’s Monday off with a smile.

(2) “I love you” should be exclaimed no more than four times. After this point, it starts to sound insincere.

(3) Never, ever, ever, never, never, ever drunk dial an ex. If he or she does not talk with you while sober, a drunk you will not be appreciated.

NOTE: Ignore (3) if you are pulling for a booty call. You at least know what you’re getting with an ex.

(4) Only dial a friend once. You probably weren’t randomly disconnected, victim to bad cell reception, or accidentally hung up on. If this is the actual case, your friend will call you back. Put the phone down, or call someone else.

(5) Messages should be no longer than 30 seconds. Anything more, and you’re probably explaining the power of the Rosetta Stone, your hypothesis on how to beat gravity at its own game, or your plan to toilet paper the state capital without getting caught. Call, say, “I love you -- I'm having fun -- I love you,” giggle wildly, and then hang up.

There. You got that?

The tough part will be remembering this after those few beers. Good luck to ya, and happy dialing!

So, in response to the 3:28 hello I got, I did what any good friend would do... I called his hungover ass at 8 o'clock this morning. I certainly hope the cell phone rings rattled his pretty little head before I got sent to voicemail! 

Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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