Although the nutso twit ends up being wrong, I got called out on this the other night. Helga complained that I never take her into public, citing several ways she�s straightened up her act and quit being such an embarrassing lush.

Whereas I had kept repeating, �If you can�t be civilized, I�m not taking you out,� to her previous attempts, I really had no leg to stand on this time. She has been both civilized and pleasant.

So I took my secret girl friend out last night, and am happy to report that everything went just fine.

This champagne company hosted a Babes and Bubbles themed night where they brought in a bunch of vendors and offered champagne specials. There was a tarot card reader (I skipped that), a chair massage (the line was too long), a Body Shop sales rep (who gave me a free sample of the mango body butter), a guy pushing gym memberships (no thanks), and a salon offering nail polish changes (hot pink polish), free makeovers (no thanks), and hair consultations (I�m considering cutting my hair again soon).

Happy met up with us last night, and Helga was surprisingly cool. There were nice, normal women there who Helga also socialized with.

I was surprised and relieved, but don�t expect me to take her out on the town when it�s a drinkin� night. She�s not proven herself that civilized yet.

There�s something crazy hormonal going on right now, and I�m really craving some animal protein. Specifically, I�d like some spicy chicken, lemon this-and-that scallions, and some lettuce wraps from PF Chang�s. It�s freaking absurd. I'm wondering what amount of dignity I�d have to sell for $8 plates of din-din at the fancy Chinese yum-yum place.

Speaking of my lack of dignity, I certainly look like I've tossed it to the wind today. I worked out this morning and forgot to bring the real makeup, so my sleepy black eye circles are quite prominent. The cold weather has chapped the hell outta my face, flaking large pieces of skin off and making me question how many layers I could possibly have left before I expose my bones. And despite this dryness, I still have the oily t-zone with some crazy zits right now.

And if that wasn�t enough, my once-per-year cold sore has decided to make its appearance after yesterday�s 30-degree temperature change between 3:30 and 6:30 p.m. I felt that familiar tingle, so I�m now resting with some Zilactin medicated lip balm smeared on my top lip, crushed-up aspirin paste directly on the affected area, and 2500 mg of lysine running through my blood.

To make up for the un-fun that�s going on, I had to buy myself another 2L of Diet Coke and some baked Ruffles to boost my mood. As a bonus, I�ve found that my mood swings are little to none if I allow myself to eat whatever I damn well please for two days. It doesn�t stop me from working out, so I�m not too concerned.

I eat as my hormones dictate, and nobody gets hurt.

Sounds like a plan to me.

Answer me this: Do I have a problem if drinking 2L of Diet Coke in a single work day has no effects on me?

Just wondering.

Oh yeah, answer this question correctly, and you win a prize: How much work have I done today?

If you said none, you�re wrong. You may be close, but you still don�t win a prize since you answered incorrectly.

Anyone have any idea if cold actually brings about a cold sore? My yearly flare-up always seems to flare up after the first really cold day.

Yesterday had some crazy snow. Considering that it was 52-degrees when I took my exceptionally late lunch (also a bag of baked Ruffles and 2L of DC), it was crazy to see the rain turn into sleet turn into snow. When I left the girlie get-together, snow was all over the ground.

Speaking of which, I got a text message from Clark Kent:

Are u seeing this?? If it keeps up, we can make a snowman by morning!!!

I�m hoping that he accidentally sent me that message. He�d be a fool otherwise.

But really, the point of this section was to request that you fill my guestbook with what works on your cold sores. I�d really like to get back to my makeout action soon, so thanks in advance.

All right. I�m out. Later taters! �