I watch a lot of baseball, so I already know the rules. I�m fairly athletic, so kicking a ball shouldn�t be a problem. I can certainly trash-talk with the best of them and deliver high-fives at the appropriate times. And although these skills all come in handy with playing the game, I really wasn�t prepared for just how good I was at kickball.

I mean �- seriously -- I rocked.

In my first up to bat, I bunted. They totally weren�t ready for it since I had talked a lot of smack prior to getting up there. By time the ball made its wimpy roll two feet in front of the kicker�s box, I was already speedy-speedy-ing my way safely to first base.

In my second at bat, I gave it a mighty kick into the outfield and ran myself to second. A run scored, and the team jumped up and down like a monkey house full of macaques just waiting for the zookeeper to come back so they could pelt him with poo. I managed to run home on the next batter, scoring another run for the team.

The poo dance ensued as we kept the score pretty close throughout the game. Apparently the team I was playing for was known for being really, really bad and they were playing the undefeated league champions, so such a dance was called for.

In my last at-bat there was a man in scoring position, ready to bring the team that much closer to victory. I knew that we were in the clutches and that the team needed me to give some action. I decided to do the oh-so National League thing that I never experienced in Little League: I would take one for the team and allow an RBI to come in.

I intentionally fouled towards the third baseman, making them think that was my aim as it had been all night long. And as the second pitch was thrown, I switched sides within the box and pelted one towards first base. The girl�s face shined with happiness for getting me out, but my guy scored as planned and I got high-fives for employing some strategy.

Imagine that. Strategy in kickball. [smirk]

In the end, the team lost by one. It was the closest game they had, and I was clearly a hero. They invited me back next week, but I�m all about going out while you�re on top.

The team will sure be disappointed, but I prefer to be king among the nine-year-olds. �