Anywho, so far things have gone nicely. On Friday I met Brian up at Kendall�s where we took part in this social club get-together. We had our elbows on the bar to ensure that we kept getting the all-you-can-drink portion of the event. Everyone (except my maa) would be proud of the amount I put away. I got my $15 worth. Go me!

Afterwards we cabbed it over to McGee�s where I sat in a chair, drank more beer, and watched very drunk people dance. The fun was up for my posse, so we all headed to our homes.

Don�t even think for a second that I could make it home at 1 a.m. on a Friday night after drinking Bud Light drafts since 6 p.m. Oh no, dear reader, I ran into another group of friends once I rounded the corner towards my house. Damn friends and I took advantage of free shots at various bars and then ended up at the Hangge Uppe.

Damn Hangge Uppe.

With all of its early-morning dancing.

With all of its merriment.

With all of its beer-buying boys hoping to �give you a ride home� afterwards.

Only I really do find it amusing. They think they�re going to get a, um, free ride, and I know that my door guy won�t let anyone up to my apartment who doesn�t already live there.

Unless Hambone magically turns into a human male, there�s no one coming up the elevator with me.

Let�s think about this for a moment: You know Hambone would be handsome. He�d certainly be well over 6-feet tall. He�d have the broad shoulders I oh-so-like. I know that his personality is one I�d keep around. If I was able to train him to use the toilet as a cat, that whole putting down the seat thing wouldn�t have a problem. Hambone would make a *great* boyfriend.

Well, except for that no genitals thing.

Back to the weekend story now. Not too much to report about Friday. Danced like a fool, slept like a hibernating bear, and woke up feeling like I had lead in my britches.

Hambone didn�t appear to be feeling too chipper, as he piddled a little puddle on my floor and laid on his belly. For those who don�t know Hambone, he�s not one for belly-laying. Usually he�s sprawled on his back, arms up, and head cocked back and he naps happily, showing off his pretty belly that begs to be rubbed and his nubbin of a wee-wee. I petted him, looked up nearby vets, and worried about my boy for a few hours until whatever it was that was bothering him passed.

Secure that my 15-pound baby boy was all right, I headed out to meet up with the gang where they had a healthy start on the boozing. I chose to remain booze-free while playing the �asshole� card game. When I finally got high enough rank to make up some rules, everyone was so bloody drunk that I couldn�t get anyone to cluck like a chicken after laying down a card.

Since being the only sober one wasn�t fun and in celebration of Lorinda hanging out with us for the first time after a long vacation to the Northeast, I mixed myself up a little drinkaroo in a plastic cup and headed to the Lakeview Mayfest to see an 80s hairband play a bunch of covers.

I show up and immediately boo-ed at. People are giving me thumbs-downs followed by you-sucks when I realize that I�m wearing a Cardinal�s Little League shirt. All night I heard, �Hey Kroger! Your team stinks!�

(Kroger Grocery store apparently sponsored this Little League team. [shrug] I got the shirt for 25 cents at a thrift store.)

To make what�s turned into a rather uninteresting story shorter than I�ve already made it, I snaked my way to the front of the stage and rocked hardcore for the rest of the night with the lead singer within groping distance.

No groping occurred, as he was old and had 80s hair. I�m more a fan of the clean cut GAP guys.

And Justin Timberlake. I�d bite him on his sweet-sweet ass.

The festival ended at 10, we left by 10:30, and we went to Slugger�s near Wrigley field where I got boo-ed some more and hung out for the rest of the night.

In bed by two, and then up for football this morning. I�ll spare ya the details because I now need to shower, buy more beer, and then head back to Mayfest. Hope everyone�s having as great a weekend as I am!�