So as a ChicagoJo special, allow me to transcribe my current voicemails.

10/24/2003 12:15 p.m. -- 13 seconds

Helloooo. It�s {#34} here. Just trying to touch back and say helloooo. Friday the -- I don�t know -- 24th of October. Take care. I will try giving you a ring later. See ya. Bye.

See, just a regular ol� lunchtime phone call from #34, squeezing a �hellooo� to me into his busy day. Yes, it�s really quite cute -- but not disgustingly cute either. I like it. It makes me smile. Even if I know the score.

10/30/2003 7:00 p.m. -- 24 seconds

I hope this is you! [laugh] I�m not sure. This is my first time to call your cell phone. Anyway, this is {friend}, and I�m just calling to see what you�re up to, find out what you�re doing for Halloween, and what you�re dressing up as. I�m heading to Fort Worth to meet my parents for a movie and got to thinking about you, so I thought I�d call. So, hope you�re having a good week, and give me a call sometime. Bye.

This one made me smile. I haven�t talked with this friend outside of email in forever. If my parents had additional grandkids on the brain, they�d 100% approve of this being a more regular thing. Alas, I enjoy the conversation and think my friend�s accent is endearing, so I will call back.

01/01/2003 2:48 a.m. -- 16 seconds

{ChicagoJo}. What is this bullshit? Are you seriously not awake? Are you not answering your phone? This is not cool -- not cool at all. Anyways, give me a ring. Talk to you later... HOTTIE!

This is what it sounds like when one of my favorite people drunk dials me. Read back through my drunk dial etiquette, and you�ll see that he follows the rules. This is a model example of a proper drunk dial. Amen to my friend!

11/04/2003 9:19 p.m. -- 1 minute, 29 seconds

Hey Tex. It�s {Clark Kent}. Yes, yes, I�ve settled on Tex [as your nickname]. For now it�s kinda in a state of flux and may change one day, but right now I�m thinking Tex for Tex. And I gotta tell you this voicemail of yours, the message is kinda cold -- I mean, hearing that automated voice saying, �Hello you�ve reached 3-1-2-5-0-whatever your number is� -- I mean -- Whoa! That�s cold; that�s really kinda dreary. I�m just wondering what you�re doing tonight on this very very icky yucky wet rainy night. Part of me says I should go home and just cuddle up under the covers, maybe get some sleeo for work tomorrow, but the other part of me -- the louder, more versive part of me -- says, �No, ya know, you�re really not 40 years old yet and you should be out doing something, ya know, like living a little bit,� and -- damn -- you know it�s raining really very hard when your windshield wipers are on full, they cannot go any faster, they cannot wipe the rain off your windshield any faster yet you cannot see a damn thing. Anyhow, well just calling to say and I don�t know or really care what the proper etiquette is. Maybe I should avoid it, call you, make you really want me to call you, or something. I don�t know. But anyway. Maybe -- perhaps -- we can meet up sometime before this weekend before you run off to Peoria. Just a though. Just an idea. But if you get a chance, feel free to give me a call back. And I�ll talk to you soon. Bye.

Must I really say anything? This is why Clark Kent and I are not going to ever go out again.

Allow me to state for the record that I really, really should not date people I meet in bars. �