Take riding the bus, for instance...

Before: Oh look! This card holds conveniently pulls from my credit card, gives me a bonus when I auto-add money in $10 increments, and I get my own speedy line on the new, good buses!

Now: Why doesn’t my CTA card ever fucking work? I use it 2-3 times a week, and it sits in my wallet for the rest of the time. And yet -- And Yet -- I’ve had to replace the damn thing three times because it mysteriously split down the middle once and just plain ol’ stopped working twice. Each time I replace it, even though it’s through no fault of my own that the card is made of plastic as delicate as fairy wings, it pulls $5 off my card’s balance. And why the fuck don’t people get out of the way so I can use the as-advertised Speedy Lane (or whatever the fuck it’s called). MOVE IT!

Before: People from all walks of life are converging at this moment, our lives briefly intercepting before we again part and go about our business.

After: I now have germs from everywhere, thanks to the sneezing old man, the woman who just wiped her nose and touched the bar, and the kid hacking up a lung like she was a smoker. Don’t touch me, breathe in my direction, or so much as look at me, for fear that I’ll catch whatever it is that’s currently rotting you away. And by fucking god, why does the #70 bus always smell like fried chicken?!

Before: How convenient! It goes everywhere I want to go!

After: Where is the goddamn bus? I’ve been waiting for 35 minutes, and it’s negative twenty out here. NEGATIVE TWENTY. I’ll be good god damned if I’m going to spend $15 on a taxi to meet a friend in Lincoln Park for a sandwich, but I’m now to the point that I’m going to be 30 minutes late and OH FUCK! I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE! Dammit, “Taxi!”