I got a Walgreen�s special muffin and my $20, and I waited for the light to turn green so I could safely walk across the street. There on the ground in front of me was a penny, so I bent over to pick it up. I don�t care what denomination the money is, I always pick it up.

Back before I moved from Texas, I was keeping track of how much money I found on the ground to prove to the friends who made fun of me for picking up a mucky nickel that it really does add up and that they shouldn�t shun coinage over a little dirt. The plan was to pick up the coins for a fiscal quarter and then multiply the change out over a year. It�s not very scientific because I was the only test subject, but I worked my way up to $1.86 after two months.

$7.44 is a good amount of beer on a Wednesday night (more than 10 pre-tip beers at my particular hangout), so people were starting to not make as much fun of me for picking up change. And wouldn�t ya know that on week eleven of twelve, I came across eighty-six dollars in a field between work and the community college where I was taking trigonometry for fun. With nowhere to hang a sign asking if anyone lost anything, I pocketed the $86 and added it to my list of money found on the ground for the quarter.

This outlier complete screwed up my experiment, but who�s to say that had I not had my eyes to the ground in search of copper and silver coins that I would have ever found those $86?

Getting back to the story, I bent down to pick up the penny and dropped it into my purse as the lady next to me said very pessimistically, �See a penny. Pick it up. All the day, I�ll have bad luck.�

I replied, �Well, I�ve never heard of that. I always thought it was good luck. If you need the luck, I�ll toss it in your direction.�

�Hell no! I�ll get hit by a bus or somethin�!�

So, yeah. Conversations with crazies. [sigh]

How does one get into my heart? Having great looks, showing a smashing personality, making me laugh like crazy, and thinking I�m great may get your pretty far. But giving me 2-for-1 coupons for smoothies is the high jumper�s kick that clears my pole and lands me on the mat.

I trounced happily toward Jamba Juice with my printed 2-for-1 coupon valid until May 31st, penny in my purse, and luck on my side. As soon as I entered the store, the ten employees all yelled HELLO at me in that forced and phony, �We�re supposed to greet every customer so you feel welcomed into a friendly environment!� kinda way.

I don�t know if you�ve ever had ten people yell at you at once, but it�s startling despite what they were saying.

I made my way to the counter where I produced my coupon. The ever-so-faux-friendly cashier looked at me like I was from Mars and asked me hold on for a second.

She disappeared into the back while I waited and waited and the ten people shouted and shouted hellos to the people coming in. So now that there�s an audience, the manager comes out and around the counter to tell me that she�ll accept this coupon �just this once� since it�s not the original.

Um, okay. Thanks, I guess. Adding the little lecture about having the original coupon instead of the computer printed one with the previous look like I was from Mars lead me to feel like I was a trying to thieve $4 from the Martian smoothie shack. Apparently $4 in Martian clams is worth more than the 400 grimy pennies I pick up over the course of six months.

So whatever. I�m getting me and C-Dogg our low calorie Enlightened Base smoothies in Mango Mantra and Strawberry Nirvana, and all will be fine. The friendly cashier requested that I pay her $4.46, so I handed her a $20 and said that I had the 46 cents. And as I�m getting the change out, she�s also digging out change.

Hey, cashier! Here�s the 46 cents I said I was getting you. She let out a big sigh since she had previously ignored me and had already *painstakingly* started counting out the two quarters and four pennies that made up the change portion of my change.

But after giving her the 46 cents, she started counting out more change. I try to say, �What are you doing you retarded monkey?� as nicely as possible when I asked why she was fumbling with the change. Apparently she thinks that a quarter, two dimes, and a penny are 26 cents. I sighed, �Whatever,� and just let it go. The dollar back was going to be her tip since I was getting a free smoothie anyway, but I�ll let her till be 20 cents off and her tip jar 100 cents poorer.

This is exactly what�s going to break me from my once or twice weekly smoothie habit. So the handsome man who gave me the coupon just saved me $8 per week. I like him that much more already.�