Thinking that a bummer of a fortune is funny certainly beats him saying that I�m either delusional or a heart-breaker.

This weekend was a pretty quiet one. Super Fantastic Happy Hour was a good one, with plenty of people showing up. I�m loving Trinity for being non-smoking, but I�m not liking that the college kids are back in town and taking it over. Being uncomfortably crowded, we headed to another bar down the street. Within 45 seconds of being in there, I was heading back out the door. After breathing freely all night long, the smoke hit me pretty hard. Yes, I�m a big wiener when it comes to smoke. Whatever.

On Saturday a friend and I went out to lunch, seeking comfort food. I ate way more mashed potatoes and biscuits with gravy than I thought possible, and I ended up with a stomach ache. Saturday was officially no fun, since I stayed in bed, whined to Hambone about how distended my belly felt, and did nothing more productive than finishing another true crime book.

I slept way in on Sunday morning for no known reason, again agreeing to comfort food with the same friend. We ended up in Uptown, eating spring rolls and big bowls of noodles. Then I got a bubble tea with tapioca �bubbles� in the bottom. Then we went to the bakery for cookies. Then later that night, we met up for a bunch of sushi with one of my girl friends.

After our gluttonous weekend, he told me that he was secretly trying to fatten me up.

Asshole.

But after giving me a hard time, very late last night I got a phone call from him saying that he was cursing my name because he was sitting in bed, eating the cookies from earlier that day.

Sweet revenge!

Today I started The Zone, which means two things for this week:

(1) I will drop four pounds.

(2) I will want to eat all of the potatoes in Idaho and an entire Sara Lee Bakery.

I might also have a craving for Pizza Hut breadsticks, but that�s not nearly as giggle-worthy as imagining all of those tasty, tasty potatoes. Especially if they�re French fried and drenched in ketchup.

Instead, I will be a muscle-building machine that will give me gams to die for and rid some of the grandma wings I have under my arms.

So there.

And now to distract me from almond cookie dreams and fantasies of unfrosted cupcakes until the carb cravings subside, tonight plans for a little diversion from the norm: I�m helping promote the CGMC Oscar Event at Sidetrack.

While everyone else is an actual man who is trying to look like a woman, I�m aiming to look like a bad wax version of Dolly Parton -- complete with the teeny-tiny waist and big-as-Texas hair. Tonight�s costume is a subdued black dress with glam hair and plenty of glittery makeup, as I�m representing Equinox gym.

Nothing says the �Best gym in America� like sleek-looking drag queens.

I�ve been told that I will be partnering up with an Equinox representative, that he�s straight, and that he fits my ooh-la-la mold. I don�t believe this for a moment since they were trying to sell me on staying out late on a Monday night, but it should be fun to dress up a little silly and help out a good cause by talking with strangers.

Anyway, I�m off. I have to go grocery shopping before I head to Sidetrack, so I�m outta here.

G�nite all. May your drag queens be glamorous, and your Equinox arm candy metro with big arms. �