Originally the eye doctor wrote a prescription for bifocals, noting that I could use some up-close help and some assistance with clearing up the distance vision too. At 19, I nixed that idea and bought myself two pair of glasses.

Here I acquired the super-ugly glasses and the gold-rimmed ones.

The gold-rimmed ones were fitted with my up-close prescription, and these were to be my primary glasses. I did lots of computer work, so I would have these on for much of the day. Between the cutesiness and the attitude I exuded at work, this was a good pair of glasses to sport.

The super-ugly glasses were $20 Wal-Mart specials with $10 lenses. I went cheap on this pair because I thought I saw just fine at distances. I wouldn�t wear them often -- maybe at night while driving -- so I didn�t need to go all Mary Kate and Ashley on myself, spending another $100 on glasses I�d barely wear.

Little did I know that I was wrong in my choices. Yeah, I wore the gold-rimmed ones all day long. But the super-ugly glasses helped in all occasions. One day I braved wearing the super-ugly glasses in the office, only keeping them on while I was facing the computer screen and my back faced the cubicle�s door. It was amazing how much these super-ugly glasses helped! I decided this prescription deserved to be worn, so I got myself to Wal-Mart for another pair of glasses.

This is where I obtained my Republican glasses. Their frames fit perfectly, and I could see everything. It was absolutely wonderful. Up-close work, reading signs while driving, talking with friends over buckets of cold Bud Light -- I could see it all! This became my primary pair of glasses, and you would see me in them much of the time.

I took my gold-rimmed glasses and turned them into gold-rimmed sunglasses with the overall prescription. When I entered the car, I switched from the Republican glasses to the gold-rimmed glasses, and all was good. They served me well.

Before leaving Austin, I decided that I needed to get myself some nerd glasses that I love on boys oh-so-much. With the help of a friend, we found a fantastic pair, complete with a magnetic sunglasses clip.

Although I found that there was a wonderful amount of goodness in these nerd glasses with the exact same prescription as the Republican glasses, they were not all-purpose glasses. The Republican glasses fit everything I wore, felt, and said. The nerd glasses were something to be savored -- a sign to all that I was feeling festive, likely to have a snappish mouth, and wanted to radiate mischief. With these glasses, I am the ultimate sassypants.

This weekend in Dallas I managed to misplace the Republican glasses, so I�m wearing the sassypants glasses. It�s just not right, so I�m having a hard time with them. I can�t come into work every day at a very Republican company while wearing sassypants glasses. I�m likely to cause trouble with the likely changes in perception.

Creative thinking goes with outlandish behavior. Youth and slacking. Republicans are not sassypants!

I�ll change the background color of the memos I write, add obscure references to drug advocates, make the place stink of patchouli, and take coffee breaks while sipping herbal tea instead.

And before you know it, I�ll also spend all of my time on Diaryland.

Oh wait. Yeah... �