All right. So I�m not. But my chest hurts a lot. I did an Internet search and came up with a disease name, but I�m pretty sure it�s just idiopathic, as I don�t feel any infection action going on right now.

I�ve had this on and off for a long time. I was pretty sure when I was younger than I was having a heart attack because of the pain, but I don�t think I ever said anything to my parents. This girl at school had something with the same symptoms. Since her doctor did nothing for her after running a bunch of tests and she apparently made it, I just kept my trap shut and tried not to laugh at too much or exert myself for an entire summer.

Back a couple years ago, I finally took myself to the doctor since I had primo insurance and a nice hippie doc I enjoyed. I got a shot to test if it was a muscle problem. Nope. I got x-rays to see if it was a lung problem. Nope. With no other ideas, he stuck me in physical therapy hoping that something there would throw the kink out. It went away on its own a couple weeks later.

I�ve found if I wrap myself in a heating pad set on high and hug my pillow tightly, all is fine. Right now I�m wearing one of those snazzy PMS stick-on heating pads (which, IMO, should be the invention of the year) on the side of my ribs.

Isn�t pleurisy something that old people who live on farms and have access to only the town doc get? This just doesn�t sound like something healthy 20-somethings get.

I don�t want to go to the doctor. Argh.

In spirit of doctors, here�s a short list of other things I don�t like:

People who whine a lot

People who walk on the left side of the sidewalk

Ugly people

People who talk loudly on their cell phones on the bus or in the office

People who cough near me

Drivers who honk their horns late at night

Really loud people in enclosed spaces

People who smoke while walking down the street (bring on the hate mail, whatever)

People who smoke pot at concerts (none of the concerts I attend are pot material, so don�t think I�m going to a Snoop Dogg or Cypress Hill and bitching about pot)

All right. That was just a quick list. I�ll come up with more on a day I�m feeling especially grumpy.

In other news, I�m pretty sure that MSN is scanning my hotmail and putting up ads to appeal directly to me.

Originally I had banner ads asking, �Which is Jennifer Aniston?� and flashing the pretty mugs of all three female Friends stars. I could have won $50 by picking the right one, but I always resisted that crap.

However, after scanning my email for months, yesterday I got a new ad:

Fucking MSN email-scanning bastards.

I finally took the 3.2 minutes out of my day to set up my new laptop. Dell has this sparkly walk-through wizard to set up users and all network configurations.

When I was asked to name ad describe my computer for network recognition, I couldn�t help but be super-cheesy.

If you live somewhere near me and happen across my soon-to-be-set-up wireless network, please don�t hack into the computer named ShinyBlingShiny and described as Joanna�s Super Fantastic Brand-Spankin�-New Computer.

Thank you, and have a good day.�