T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o

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Woman What, No-show, House Stuff, and a Smattering

2007-01-12† Ė† 4:07 p.m.
I get a few magazine subscriptions, one of which is Esquire. It really has some of the best writing around, and I can always skip over the high-fashion pages where they pair a typical striped shirt mafia top with laid-back courds, add some Prada shoes, and throw a $1500 suit jacket over it and say, ďA night on the town,Ē before repeating with the same elements in shades of brown and choosing mere Ecco shoes and calling it, ďA casual night in.Ē

So for the past few months Iíve seen photos of body parts and snippets of interviews that donít reveal all too much to the womanís identity, them purporting that sheís their sexiest of the Sexiest Woman of the Year ever.

But when they announced that it was Scarlett Johansson, I must admit that my first reaction was, ďWoman?! Sheís only 22!Ē A mere five years older, and I dismiss a 22-year-old as being a woman. I guess itís because I remember what a fucktard my friends and I were at that age. Although I remember it being fun, I wouldnít do 22-24 over again.

Iím sure sheís a nice girl and all, but I donít get the hype. That Lost in Translation movie was a snooze-fest. Like Napoleon Dynamite and Garden State, I kept waiting for a plot to form, for something to happen, for someone to whip out a machete or something, hell, anything. But no. They hang out. They sing karaoke. They walk around town. Blah blah blah. It was a day and a half, and you expect me to buy that they had this deep connection in the strange foreign land?! Bah!

Ah well, at least Esquire didnít go the way of Maxim and give further hurrahs Eva Longoria. Not only do I have Eva-overload after seeing her on every magazine cover after that show Iíve never seen started, I now canít look at her without thinking she looks like Fievel since a friend pointed it out.

Yesterday I was a no-show at work. My cold is still kicking, and my mood was asking for a day where I sat around and felt sorry for myself. I slept an extra four hours until a whopping 9:30, and then I spent the day putzing around. The house eventually became Spicíníspan in prep for a furniture delivery that came early and completed my bedroom.

Iím quite pleased with how things look in that room. I actually slept in there last night instead of the couch, and it threw me off. Iím used to fitting into my ass groove and settling in from there, but the bed was fine. The extra four hours of sleeping in did me in, though, and I was subsequently up late.

As far as the house goes, I need someone with style to come over and tell me what to do in the office so I can finish that off for as little money as possible and not think about it anymore. Thatís my least-used room, and it needs some sprucing before the condo goes on the high-end rental market.

A move is eminent, whether or not I have people coming with me. I know that I canít rely on others to ready themselves for a move, so Iím gathering connections, beefing up the savings account, thinking about a car purchase, and reminding myself that getting out of Siberia is a necessary move -- whether or not I have insta-friends wherever I end up. I just canít continue living here, no matter how much I love my friends, my house, knowing my way around, and everything about the summer.

Woe is me.

A few smatterings of good things since I need to be like Pollyanna and play The Glad Game when Iím in the mood Iím in:

-- I re-dyed my hair and did my nails, and both look bitchingly fantastic.

-- The top two muscles of a six pack are beginning to show. I donít know where that came from, but itís there.

-- A couple girl friends decided that theyíre meeting up at my house tonight, commandeering my DVD player and oven, and making me be somewhat social without having to leave the house.

-- Hambone is coming home tonight, after nearly a month at the cat sitterís house. She says that heís been sleeping with her lately, so Iíve got that traitor some treats to lure him back to my bed.

-- Did I mention that my bedroom furniture rocks?

Okay, Iím outta here. Iíve gotta clean up the kitchen before the girls come over. †

Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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