The office lesbians.

The other day I was on the phone, trying to give instructions to someone on something very important. And while I�m trying to explain the numbering differences between two spreadsheets and how to know which graphics to create and which to send to India, these two Mullets Galore members were carrying on like they were three beers deep at happy hour.

I kid you not: They were arguing over who could run faster.

L1: I run faster. You can run farther.
L2: No, I run faster *and* can run farther.
L1: You do not!
[explosive laughter]
L2: I am *so* much faster than you.
L1: No way. *I* am the fast one. You can run farther.
[explosive laughter]

On and on and on.

I was ready to shout at them, �WILL YOU TWO JUST MAKE OUT AND GET IT OVER WITH?!�

There was someone else over there who was part of the conversation, participating in the [explosive laughter] indicated above. After the arguing subsided, he exclaimed, �You two fight like sisters!�

Sounded like foreplay to me.

Hey, some like it hot and spicy. [shrug]

Speaking of sisters (because I�m not touching the �hot and spicy�), I got an email from mine the other day. And since all is looking good, I�m pleased to announce that I�m going to have a niece in November or December.

My sister asked what she was going to do with a daughter besides turn her into a softball-playing Xena Princess Warrior. With our luck, she�ll end up with the lace and frills daughter, and I�ll get the one who wants to take karate and gets in trouble for knocking the neighborhood boys off the dirt mound.

My J-lo bling ring has started to make a noise like something�s lose. Whenever I shake my hand, there�s something in there clicking around.

I just checked on eBay, and I found myself an 8 carat, 15mm purple-stoned ring to help offset any wear and tear the current bling ring is suffering.

Oh how I love eBay.

And speaking of eBay, I got another cell phone to replace the crappy one that someone else sold me. This one is blue-green with sparkles. Hopefully the caller ID holds my missed calls and lets me view my call lists. These are two very important features that my current phone doesn�t seem to be able to handle. Very aggravating...

It makes me want to mosey on over to the north side of Chicago to throw an old, defective phone at the guy who sold it to me, but whatever.

Serenity now.

The house fixing-up efforts failed me this weekend.

I first had a mishap with a wall anchor. There was no drill bit that looked right, so I took my hammer to it. (You hammer those in, right??) Well, it didn't work out too well. The anchor went in, but I was able to easily pull it out. Now I have an anchor-sized hole in the wall -- DRATS!

I also tried to put a child safety lock on a kitchen cabinet since my genius cat can open those. I don't want him in the Ajax, so I borrowed Benito's drill to get the child lock in-place. No such luck again... It seems that the insides of my cabinets don't want any imperfections. It completely resisted the drill's efforts! (Yes, I had the drill turning the right way. Yes, I was pressing hard enough. No, I don't know what else to do.)

I was going to attempt to hang the pictures this weekend, but I figured that I'd end up crashing through one of my big windows with a triumphant STRIKE THREE. Instead, I'll happily sit with two strikes and will try again later.

All right. I need to head home for some quick grub before heading out to the beach for tonight�s vball game. Two of our six players aren�t showing up and I think I�ve pulled a muscle in my chest since it again hurts when I breathe, so this shouldn�t be too pretty. I just looked up the other team�s stats, and they�re about 50-50 with the wins... Much better than my team�s 27% wins average.

Argh. G�night all. �