A friend of mine once had a �Poop Shoot� where she�d take a picture of her roommate�s cat�s litterbox each day, showing what a negligent kitty mama her roommate was. If I don�t pay enough attention to Ham, he leaves the litterbox looking about like the results of her week-long scooping inattention in just two days.

I don�t know where all of the poop comes from, but he really lets it go when I leave the house.

After another episode of him leaving nugget after nugget, I finally threw my arms up and exclaimed that I couldn�t take it any longer. The litterbox got bagged up, and the toilet training materials were brought back out.

It�s been requested that I explain how to toilet train a cat, so allow me to do so.

Originally, my old company�s secretary told me about toilet training a cat. She didn�t have any information other than that it was possible. And since I didn�t have a cat to attempt on, this chunk of knowledge was soon forgotten.

A few years later while flipping through a Maxim magazine, I saw instructions on how to actually get the cat up there. I took mental notes, found a website to browse for more information, and even sent the article to friends with cats for a good laugh.

When I finally got a Hambone, his litterbox lived peacefully outside -- no smell, no mess, no bothering me!

But now that I live in Chicago where a balcony in my neighborhood would cost me per-year the price of a used Honda, the litterbox is inside for the first time ever. And since the job search was such an ongoing saga, I found myself with plenty of spare time to entertain myself. I have always been told what a fabulously cool cat I have, so I figured I�d bump Ham up one more notch and give this toilet training a try.

STEP ONE: The first step is to move the litterbox into the bathroom if it isn�t already there. Scootch it a few feet every couple days to get the cat moving in the right direction. Once in the bathroom, move the box beside the toilet. Leave the litterbox alone for a few days and allow the cat to get used to coming into this room to do his business.

STEP TWO: Get some small boxes, phone books, and anything else you can find to lift and support the kitty box. VERY IMPORTANT: Make sure the litterbox doesn�t slip around! You don�t want it to fall over! Raise the litterbox one more level every few days, getting the kitty used to jumping up to use the bathroom.

STEP THREE: When the litterbox is level with the top of the toilet, move the box onto the top of the toilet�s closed lid. Again, secure the litterbox (masking tape on its underside worked for me) so it doesn�t spill kitty�s butt morsels onto your floor. When he�s used to jumping up to the toilet, move onto the next step.

STEP FOUR: Find a dish of some sort that fits within the bowl and allows the sit-lid to close and lay level on it. (In previous pictures, this is what the colander was used for. I don�t recommend a colander because it�s hard to clean and doesn�t hold litter very well. I�m currently using a disposable baking pan that I shape to the inside of the toilet.) Put some kitty litter in the bowl, and ensure that the bowl will hold the weight of your kitty because he will not yet understand that he has to prop his feet up. Toss out the litter box! No more!

STEP FIVE: Slowly remove the amount of litter in the bowl. When the amount of litter is very low, you will need to play close attention to when kitty uses it so you can clean it right away. Litter really does cut down on stink, and kitty will be less likely to use a dirty, stinky bowl than a cleaner one.

STEP SIX: When the amount of litter is very low, replace it with water. If your kitty complains, go back to step five for a couple days. Using the water, he�ll definitely quit putting his feet in the bowl and will develop a nice squat. Hambone was squatting back in step four.

(Side Note: When we went back to the litterbox, Ham would prop up two of his paws on the side of his box. Seeing that he still has this behavior, I�m hoping the transition will take only a couple weeks this time.)

STEP SEVEN: When your kitty is sufficiently used to using water, drop the pan entirely.

TIPS:

Give lots of attention, pats on the head, and an occasional treat when the kitty uses the toilet. I always gave Hambone a Pounce snack when he pooped. I swear that he waited until I came home to show me he could poop, just so he could get a treat!

If the kitty seems too resistant when you move onto the next step, go back to the previous for a few days. I always got the reaction, �Whoa! It could be so much worse!� when we went back to a step that was previously difficult for him.

Okay. One last tip. This one is verrrry important.

When you wake up in the middle of the night with a full bladder and stumble into the bathroom in the dark, don�t forget that the kitty�s pan is in the toilet bowl. Kitty litter certainly isn�t absorbent enough for a full human bladder!

Oh yeah -- Here's a picture of Brandon! �