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T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o

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The Smell of Vomit

2005-08-23� � 3:57 p.m.
Vomit. Up-chuck. Puke. Heave. Hurl. Throw up. Barf. Toss one�s cookies. Yak.

For all of yesterday, I smelled the retch of someone�s up-chucked stomach�s contents. There was little I could do about it, so I kept putting on strongly scented lotion with hopes that the mask would work. For much of the day, it did.

I sit near the men�s restroom, so my initial assumption was that someone puked in there and that I was getting the door�s opening and closing wafts blown my way. With no one making any comments in their ways out, I abandoned that theory and started sniffing (both literally and figuratively) around.

First I checked under my desk. Maybe someone grabbed the trashcan for such a purpose and didn�t clean it out well enough. Maybe someone over the weekend just got sick near my desk. I disappeared for a few to the darkness below, only to find a yellow highlighter, a few paperclips, and a dust bunny the size of an actual rabbit. No offensive odors there.

My next assumption was that my nearby coworker smelled bad. At first glance, he looked pretty harmless to the nose: generally clean (no B.O.), barely talking on the phone (no swamp-mouth), and without food (no miscellaneous meat scents). When he left for the day, it was the final test. He was gone, but the stench remained.

When there�s nothing around you and no one else to blame, you begin to doubt yourself. I know that I was showered. I know that I applied some girly-scented deodorant only hours before. I know that my clothes are clean, that the crackers I�m snacking on aren�t odiferous, and that there was nothing puke-like in my purse. I immediately cast suspicion on the polar-resistant fleece I�d draped over my chair for the past few months to shield me from the office nip, but a good looking over didn�t reveal anything stinky.

I was embarrassed. Certainly it was me. And no matter how much scented lotion I poured on, there was no relieving the reek.

I went home and gave myself a good sniff-over, but I found nothing. I officially eliminated myself as a suspect, but I was still curious to the cause and hoping to not breathe it all day today too.

As soon as I came in, I smelled it.

And then I looked at the Franken-plant, all droppy and dropping leaves and with a full container of water still leftover from the morning before.

I ventured closely, and BINGO! The Franken-plant was the source of the stench!

I assume it was Friday�s dousing of Gatorade instead of the usual water to blame for the plant�s demise...

I�m totally to blame for the end of Franken-plant. But -- hey -- at least I don�t stink!�



Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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