GUACAMOLE!

There�s very little I like more than guacamole (phone calls from my brother, gnocchi, vitamin E moisturizer from The Body Shop, kisses on the clavicle), so I�m hoping this will clear up any headache that I feel coming on. The loud chips aren�t likely to help any, but if it annoys the guy one section over from me, it�ll make it worth it.

There�s a certain bit of office etiquette that you follow. Don�t eat loud foods or smack your gum. Don�t talk on the phone really loudly. Don�t bring anything smelly (e.g., buttered popcorn). Air yourself out before returning to the building after smoking. Don�t sniff in your snot, crack your knuckles, or do any of your other annoying habits that other people would be forced to witness.

Whereas following these suggestions will go a long way in keeping the peace, coming into the office while sick is likely to start a mutiny.

C-Dogg (formerly called CW2, the coworker I spent my days chatting with, who is much deserving of a better pseudonym than the shortened version of Coworker #2) sits next to who we call Talkie McTalkerson. We don�t care to find out his real name, as this one fits him nicely. He spends the day on the phone -- fine, that�s his job -- but the man has no sense of volume control WHATSOEVER.

Talkie comes in today, and we roll our eyes in anticipation of his drawn out important person phone calls and the talk of his 45-pound 10-month-old kid�s bowel movements or whatever retarded things parents with no life other than what their snotty and drippy little kids do talk about. Then he lets out a chesty hack, loosening some phlegm that he immediately sneezes out.

C-Dogg and I mouth, �Oh shit, that fucker had better not get us sick...� before we start fishing around our desks for some face masks a la Michael Jackson and some Lysol to decontaminate our breathing area.

If you�re sick, don�t come to work.

Don�t be a martyr, dying to continue to pump out the equivalent of TPS reports. No one�s gonna appreciate your work if you give them the Dengue Fever while trying to get work done.

So after a morning of his germy ejections and our shallow breathing, what does the dork-wad bring for lunch?

Fried freaking chicken.

Argh.

Holiday Help from ChicagoJo

Do you shop at Target? Target.com has these coupons that combine together on orders $100+.

$10 off: TDMWDEALPAS2
$10 off: TDMWEMTHANKS
$10 off: TDWELCME2224
10% off $100+ for using Amex: TC3AMEXSAVES

I got myself $100 in giftcards shipped for $71.95. �