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T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o

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Be Cool, Honey Bunny

2003-11-12� � 10:41 a.m.
Okay, so I�m actually here. This writing-before-going-to-work thing just isn�t working out, so I�m writing while on the clock, deleting my visited sites and cookies each day, and leaving it at that.

I would say that I�d write each night before bed, but that doesn�t seem to be a viable option either. It seems that I�ve been Little Miss Socialite lately, fielding phone calls left and right, up and down. Two people from my Peoria trip tracked me down among the usuals, so I�m running a bit tired these days.

Bless caller ID though -- Clark Kent is still calling. I got another retarded-ass voice message saying how he hadn�t heard my voice in a while and missed it. Um, yeah dude... Somebody needs to give him a �Bitch, be cool!� or (at minimum) a clue that he�s being blown off. Yeah, I could call him and tell him that I didn�t feel a romantic connection and that I�d like to cut my losses and move on, but I simply don�t want to.

If that makes me a bitch, so be it. I�d just prefer to not deal with the unpleasantries of the situation.

That, and I�m afraid that I�d be too truthful and go off on how presumptuous it was of him to slather on chapstick and stealthily give himself a squirt of Binaca (mind you -- with him thinking I didn�t notice) while approaching my house. I may drunk kiss the occasional strangers, but (a) there was no drinking involved, (b) I didn�t do so much as accidentally touch his arm all night, and (c) I suggested that we wrap things up and go home.

I ended the night by extending my right arm to shake his hand (ouch -- NO bodily contact!), thanked him for the evening, and scampered back to my place without so much as turning around to wave goodbye. No dawdling, no hemming and hawing, no half second of glimmering eyes that indicated that I yearned to be kissed or have my world rocked.

Guys -- You really should know when to and when not to expect a kiss. If she pauses for half a second and lets her eyes meet yours, go for it. Make it quick. Make it sweet. Consider not even slipping the tongue, as some soft closed-lipped contact leaves more to be desired.

But in my case, I had my keys in-hand, paid my gratitude, and ran like that scene from the Wizard of Oz when the monkeys showed up and the gang high-tailed it outta that hood. I clearly would have preferred the apple-throwing trees than to spend another minute with him.

All right. Enough on what a shrewd bitch I am in the dating arena. Encourage any potential guys to merely be my friend. I�m much cooler to drink beer and watch the Simpson�s with than when I avoid your phone calls.

Really. We�ll all just be better that way. �



Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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