T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o


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I'm Bespeckled

2007-05-23    11:41 a.m.
Fight or flight, you ask? I almost always choose flight. I know good and well that everyone else is both bigger and stronger than me, but not everyone can run as fast and far as I can.

But despite this proclamation, I look like I’ve gotten into a throw-down. With bruises galore, I’m going to have to insist to coworkers that I ran into a door or fell out of bed. It might sound like I’m covering for an Ike Turner-esque man outside my 9-to-5 working hours, but them having those thoughts beats them knowing the truth.

Being exceptionally porcelain doesn’t do much for me either. Not only can you see my leg hairs before they even pop out of the skin (sexy, I tell ya), but the bruise on my lower shin is screaming for attention. If it could talk, it would say, “He pushed me down the stairs, y’all!”

Side note: Yes, I imagine that my body parts talk with a southern accent. They’d also be the sorts of assholes who draw humor from faux instances of wife beating.

So what really happened?

Although I have broken up a liquor store robbery (and probably have a blog entry somewhere to prove it), I take it that you aren’t going to buy it that I am a crime-fighting superhero who rescued some kittens from a really mean man with a Tom Selleck mustache.

Truth time: All of my instances of controlled internal bleeding were inflicted by participating in recreational league sports events.

Monday night’s kickball game went really well. We beat the snot out of the other team, hopefully resulting in a rally that pulls us through the playoffs that begin in two weeks. I didn’t get any exceptionally good plays, but I kicked a lot of people in. The ump was crap, but you have to overlook the bad calls when you’re up by a hefty double-digit lead and there’s only an inning left. That withstanding, my lower shin is tinted purple and slightly swollen from a few bad kicks.

Last night’s volleyball game was better from a competitive standpoint. Not only did I get several really solid spikes (I’m 5’2” when I stand up really, really straight, so this is awesome), my serve was totally on. Like a rocket over the net, it, um, shot like a rocket over the net. Unstoppable! Now add to it that I got in a quick three-mile run in to get to the v-ball gym, and I felt great. Unfortunately, today I’m speckled with red bruises where the ball was less than gentle. At least my pointer finger has again straightened itself out after this especially bad set I made.

So let that be a warning to you all. Recreational leagues aren’t always fun and games, and you might just have to lie about it.  

Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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