T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o


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Dear Walgreen’s Clerk

2008-01-22    7:14 p.m.
Dear Walgreen’s clerk,

I realize that you’ve got the angry urbanized woman thing going on. I have come to expect and accept being met with complete contempt for my making a purchase at this particular establishment and having you perform outlandish procedures such as operate a cash register, interact with customers, and provide accurate change. I also recognize that after a good while of working the dreaded register and ringing up the oh-so-exasperating customers, you really do quit noticing what customers buy. However, I implore you to take a slight notice before you display your absolute disdain for your job and rest of the human race.

This morning my purchase came to $4.07. I handed you a ten and dug into my change purse for seven cents. Although I was clearly digging and verbally alerted you to my intentions, you started counting out five dollar bills. Now, before you even touched the change, I handed you seven pennies. All you needed to do was deposit the change and pull out another dollar bill.

There was no resorting of change. There was no complaint given for you pulling out all ones for five dollars of change instead of the convenient currency in a larger denomination. There was no smart-assery of any sort going on. With exactly 0% of attitude coming from me and only a slight modification needing to be made to what your expectations were for counting out my change, was it really necessary to act like I asked you to part the Red Sea?

You let out a huge sigh as you whacked the seven pennies onto the counter. Counting them -- one, two, three, four, five, six, seven -- really was a chore. And with the five dollars still in-hand, you struggled to pick said pennies up from the counter with the other hand and place them into the designated penny-holding section within your register. After such a display of the inconvenience I caused, you stopped for half a second to contemplate what fiduciary action to take to resolve my financial transaction. And upon removing another dollar bill, painstakingly counting to confirm that there were indeed six dollar bills pulled out, you handed me my change with the receipt and gave me a sarcastic smirk.

Bitch, I about pulled out your weave.

Do understand that if I was buying a Slim Fast and a banana before heading up to my office, that would be one thing. You would have merely been a typically rude cashier of the Walgreen’s variety. On the opposite side of the spectrum from where I was, if I was buying condoms, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed your pissy disposition. However, I was buying anti-itch cream. And if there’s ever a sign that today is not the day to fuck with me, that would be it.

Now, Walgreen’s cunt bag, would you like to amend your behavior, or should I beat your fucking teeth in? I think I’ve got a free pass on any irrational behavior today.


Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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