T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o


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Cough Medicine Woes

2007-02-27    1:46 p.m.
I had a meeting this morning as soon as I walked into work, and I spent that hour and a half recovering from a Tylenol PM hangover. Last night I was feeling like crap, so I took out the medicine basket and fished around for something good and sleepy. Tylenol with their new Cool Burst was all I had.

The Cool Burst was supposed to be my answer to everything else being cherry or that weird Nyquil green flavor. After about two doses that went down decently during last year’s death rattle cough, I’ve since then not been able to handle that faux-minty concoction.

Last night I moved the bottle toward my waiting mouth, and the impending gag came a lot sooner than I thought it would. I knew that Cool Burst’s time had passed.

Cool Burst. I hardly knew ye.

Because my neighborhood’s nighttime activities are severely limited, Walgreen’s closes early. I walked up at 9:01 and was denied my Nyquil pills. So I walked over the river to the grocery store to get some. As I left, I popped them down the hatch, hoping that by time I got home and ate a little, all would be good.

No such luck.

After about an hour since swallowing them, I added two Tylenol PMs on top of that. I completely neglected to think about the next day’s hangover, instead relishing the cough-free sleep I got.

Back in the first grade I got bronchitis really badly. Because first graders can’t swallow pills, the pediatrician prescribed two liquids that were supposed to make me feel better. One was coconut flavor, and the other was cherry. Because it was such torture to take this each morning, my mom would combine the two and sit there and say sweet words as I endured my torture. To this day, I cannot eat anything with artificial cherry flavoring, and a pina colada would cause automatic upchuck.

Many liquid medicines are cherry flavored, thereby knocking them off the possibilities when I visit Walgreens for something to make me feel better. I found out a while back that the kids section has some other options. And although I’m not twelve years old, I could blend into a middle school if I wore Cover Girl cosmetics and baby whore clothing.

Because I can’t take the green Nyquil pills I bought last night while at work, I went to Walgreen’s earlier today for something that will stop the coughing and not make me gag.

I just took a double dose of children’s Triaminic. Apparently I’m not twice the size of a 12-year-old, because I’m stoned as fuck.

That is all.  

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