I�ve been asked what I�m wearing to the Coyote Ugly tryouts.

All right fashion police. Hold yer horses. I�m a Texan and can pull this off. Don�t get me wrong -- Chicago women are absolutely beautiful. But Texan woman are exotic, and there�s something about that Southern charm that makes us catnip for men. They, on the other hand, can wear those knee-high black boots without looking trampy, leaving me both cold and jealous.

I pull out my fashion boots with the clunky heels and no-slip bottom -- perfect for bar-top dancing. I have my thrift store jeans that hug my hips nicely and show off that no-potpie-gettin� bootie. And for a shirt, I decide to make this one special: I took my marketing swag t-shirt from the company that laid me off, cut it up the center and tied it up to my goodies.

(Okay, okay. Speaking of goodies, let�s not forget the push-up bra. This skinny mamacita needs all the help she can get.)

A little war paint, and I�m looking like a grade-A whore bag.

Um, I mean a bonafide coyote bartender.

Coyote Ugly, Entry Three�