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T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o |
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Too Much Diet Coke Isn't Always a Good Thing |
2003-08-22� �� 3:19 p.m. |
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Because airlines don�t serve any friggin� meal (despite the hundreds of dollars I shell out to them),
I went to Walgreen�s today to get some cash. I know good and well that I�ll be sitting at Midway and Atlanta�s airports until midnight tonight and will want to eat at some point. Granted, the last time I was at the airport for an extended amount of time, beer (the way there) and vodka (the way home) held me over... But cash is a requisite whether I have a liquid meal or one with some actual substance. (Calories are calories, but not all calories are created equally!)
(Holy parenthetical notations Batman! It�s gonna be one of those entries!) All right. So I know why it�s going to be one of those entries... And there�s a little explaining to do. I took off for a 15 minute lunch break, just long enough to run to Taco Bell, make googly eyes at what turned out to be a married man, and head into Walgreen�s to get some cash for my airport-sitting. Vegan bean burritos in-hand, I headed to the cold drink section to grab myself a Diet Coke. Only I don�t make it that far before a sale sign catches my eye: Two-liter Diet Pepsi for $1.49. Now, I don�t care for Diet Pepsi. It�s far inferior to the fizzy-bubbles of wonder that is Diet Coke. However, I will drink it in a pinch. The frugal feeling hit, temping me momentarily to reach for the blue-wrapped container, shunning the $20-ounce $1.19 silver-wrapped one. Then I had a brilliant idea: What if [gasp!] both Coke and Pepsi were on sale in the two-liter bottles? I sighed to myself, having once worked for a grocery chain and knowing that the competing brands alternate the sales to maximize their sales during that week. However, I could not be stopped. $1.19 seemed a ridiculous price to pay for the 20-ouncer when I knew Diet Pepsi�s aspartame should taste the same to my tastebuds after I burn them off with Taco Bell�s Fire Sauce. But I was on a mission. My efforts of walking an additional 30 feet paid off, and I left Walgreen�s with two liters of the preferred bubbly-licious beverage and my ATMed cash stowed safely in my wallet. Herein the problem lies: It�s not a case of my eyes being bigger than my head; it�s more a case of my thirst being too big for my bladder. It�s 3 p.m., and I�m more than halfway finished with my two-liter. I�ve peed four times since returning from my 12:30 lunch. I can only imagine how I�ll be when I have to ride the el for 35 minutes to get to Midway. Oh yea -- Let�s not forget that I�ve got a case of the caffeine shakes. Major shakes. Old ladies schmold ladies. Parkinson�s schmarkinson�s. I�m giving the paint mixing thingy at Home Depot a run for its money with this amount of caffeine in my system. I�m keenly aware of everything around me, and my eyes are open a full centimeter wider than usual and are making the corneas dry out rather quickly. I feel all coked up (HAR!) and paranoid, and my concentration has gone to shit. Only once did I ever take caffeine pills, and this is about how I felt after downing one No-Doze to study for my biology test the next day. Yeah I�m awake, but I�m pretty dang useless. It�s a good thing I had all of my work done for the day at 11 o�clock! Woo!�
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Moving Day - 2008-02-15
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