T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o

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Digestion and Dermatology

2007-02-23† Ė† 4:52 p.m.
Last night I hit up the gym and had a much better workout than the night before. I was wearing the wrong pants, so running was cut really short. Chafing aside, I also had to move away from whoever it was that was letting out meat farts. With watering eyes, I went to go lift weights.

Because I do free weights, Iím in the section of the gym with a bunch of benches and a corresponding number of men. Theyíre all grrrrrr-ing as they lift 35 pounds in each hand, and Iím making equal poop faces with 15-pound barbells. We give equal respect, but I realize that Iím still on their turf. I expect farts in this part of the gym.

By the treadmills, no. Where they boys are, yes.

I know humans all fart. But, god, when youíre leaking a brisket out of your ass, it would be much appreciated if you skipped the gym that night.

This morning I had a dermatologist appointment. Iíve never been to one of these doctors before, so I was a little nervous. Iíve had this bump on my hand since the summer, and Iíve tried without success to get rid of it since then.

Picking at it didnít do any good, since it just kept coming back.

I then tried one of those at-home kits of liquid nitrogen to no avail. It looked like it was doing something, but then the damn bump wouldnít fall off, shrink, or do whatever it was supposed to do. Hell, after I saw it do nothing, I went against the instructions and did it six times in one day. That fucking bump just would not die.

Then I broke out this gel stuff. I figured a week or two would be all that it took. But after reading the instructions, it said Iíd have to try for 12 weeks. Thatís FOUR MONTHS! Well, because I canít do anything half-assed when it comes to at-home medical treatment (see the above paragraph mentioning six shots of liquid nitrogen in one day), I did the treatment for five months. It looked like all was working, too. There was no bump, but I was tired of having this white film on my hand. And although white film is better than a bump, but I had this film for five months and was ready to be done with it.

Two days after ceasing the gel, the damn thing was back.

I then figured that since I took a $6 per hour pay cut a year ago to come on as a fulltime employee at White Men with Ties, Inc. in exchange for 39 paid days off per year, all sorts of insurance, and no sense of impending doom every quarter when theyíd talk about budget issues, I might as well put the health insurance to use.

One call and two weeks later, and I had my 10:15 appointment with Dr. Funnyname.

Within 15 minutes I had received two shots of -200 degree liquid nitrogen (as opposed to the -30 of the wimpy at-home kit), let him peek at my back to look at moles that donít exist, and batted my eyelashes at that lovely man. Tell me why the doctor whose job it is to mole-hunt and burn bumps off hands has got to be so hot? On the upside, as I mentioned in a previous entry, thereís no way my lack of moles and the bump on my hand is the grossest thing heís ever seen, so Iím in the good on this one.

Score one for Jo!

After raiding the samples basket at the front desk upon checkout (Oil of Olay body wash!), I took the stairs down three flights to the exit. On the final half-flight of stairs, my high-heel gave a funny bend, and I started to tumble. Iím thankful that I lift all sorts of heavy weights, since I grabbed the hand railing and successfully prevented my impending tumble of death.

There were two people coming up the stairs that I would have taken down with me, so they too should be thanking Crunch Gymís farty-boy free weights section.

With that, Iím out. Iíve got to hit the gym before dinner with the girls. †

Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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