There�s this guy, Jag Bag, who is an absolute jag bag. He�s one of those people who acts all big and important at work because he�s a nobody at home. He talks loudly, uses ten words to say what he could have said in four, and constantly has to prove to himself and everyone here just how important he is. Unfortunately for him, he�s a just a low-level analyst who spreadsheets according to what the experts tell him, rendering him not very important at all.

Also unfortunately for him, he�s a direct coworker with the Office Lesbian, a.k.a. She with No Tact. If you�re being a dumbass, she�ll tell you. In his case, she tells him often. And although I get a kick out of her telling him to knock the air out of his ugly, fat head (and might I add �greasy� and �combed over� to the descriptors?), sometimes (as in TODAY), it�s too much when she starts arguing with her boss, saying something like, �You�re wrong,� very bluntly to a man who is several times her senior. Her being the only competent one of the lackeys, she�s yet to lose her job, ensuring that I hear her exasperated sighs over Jag Bag�s ineptitude for the next fiscal year.

Then there�s Gum Chewer. She�s always cowing her gum, and that�s enough to have her drawn and quartered. But then she also must state the obvious in an attempt to start conversation when the office is blissfully silent. When she asks, �Why is that phone ringing?� when it�s clearly because someone has the wrong number to the empty desk, the Office Lesbian answers, �Someone�s got the wrong number -- duh,� and Jag Bag contemplates whether or not they should answer the phone to let the caller know that their intended target is not that that day. �It would be the right thing to do, ya know...� A situation ensues akin to a Tom and Jerry chase.

Independent of these stooges, there�s also Guy Who Needs to Shave/Guy with a Raspy Voice. Two weeks ago he put a 72-minute conference call on speaker phone. Everyone was ready to kill him. We were ready to pounce as soon as he hit the hang-up button to tell him he was an inconsiderate ass, but he was too smart for us: He immediately left for lunch and didn�t return to his seat for a few days. By then, everyone was calmed down a bit. That was, until he took another several conference calls back-to-back. They weren�t on speakerphone, but we were still annoyed. Again with the brilliant move to not come in for a few days. And now today, he took a conference call at a reasonable level. However, he was standing up and pacing while on his call. Audibly I was saved; however, my peripheral vision was quite cheesed off. Let�s hope he disappears for a few days to let this settle...

My friend Az-amber got her braces off this weekend, and it�s prompted me to wear my retainer all last night and today to see if I can get a change in my two funky teeth that cause me to steam when I remember how much I spent on orthodontics and how much my teeth changed despite the retainer.

Sparkly retainer be damned, I found my final Invisalign. That puppy�s been in for nearing 20 hours, and already my teeth have mostly been bitch-slapped back into place. Hallelujah!

And can I get a round of Amens to Advil for keeping my head from completely pounding from the tooth movements?

Peace be with you and also with your dentin.

My brother�s hitting streak has come to an end. After 13 games, this last one was it.

His team stunk it up on Sunday, and they only played five innings. With five innings played, he only batted twice. One was a fly out, and the other was a walk.

No hit for Kyle -- so sad. However, his no-one�s-gonna-steal-a-base-on-me percentage is still perfect.

His batting average is still something like .625, and that�s nothing to scoff at. We�ll just start a new count next week!

Go Kyle Keena! GOOOO!

This week is already shaping up well.

Ozwald had a brilliant idea to meet up on Tuesday for some half-off martinis. I�d better see you and you and you there.

Key lime pie martinis -- YUM!

I could actually go for some key lime pie (sans the martini glass) right now. I loves me some key lime pie.

And if you�re now looking at me and thinking, �The week is shaping up well??� after I�ve only mentioned one week-day outing, have no fear. I have plenty of running and weight-lifting scheduled, cleaning to do, and a couple trips to the library planned too.

I kid, I kid.

In addition, I also have a skating event this Friday to attend. It�s a 12-15 mile skate around the city with other skater-types. These events are usually fun. Let�s hope I can still go 12-15 miles without my legs falling off!

The weekend. It was a good one.

I spent Friday night with Happy and her new roommate. We ate dinner at a Mexican restaurant, enjoying the breeze on the patio. We grabbed a 12-pack of Miller Lite from the nearby store and walked back to their house. Another friend came over, and I swear that the time the four of us had just hanging out was better than most nights spent actually going out.

There was once a time where I was a homebody. After nights like Friday, I could see that resuming.

Saturday morning I was about to head out for grocery shopping when Benito called. He attended a conference all day (sitting on a panel, no less!), and he asked if I wanted to walk with him since he was parking in my garage and heading over there. I got about an hour in with him, and then I went grocery shopping.

Blah blah blah until 4 o�clock, when I headed to Studio 1W, Casa de Ozwald. A few other characters joined us, and we snacked on Doritos and Little Debbies while watching Angels in America. I was completely drawn in during the first three hours. Despite being equally drawn in by disc 2, I cut out early due to dropping eyelids. It�s a definite must-rent so I can finish disc 2.

I headed home, got cleaned up, and got me some zzz�s.

At 3 a.m. my phone was ringing and the security guard downstairs asked if I�d let Benito come up. Of course, of course. Covered with a good amount of blue frosting (I�m not even going to ask...), I optimistically took Spray and Wash to his dirty shirt as he passed out on my bed.

Blue frosting. White button-up shirt. Lots of spray and wash. Cold water washing. Fingers crossed.

I joined him back in bed where we slept until it was time for him to leave for head home for football-watching. I gave him an extra shirt I had, and we peeked at what was left of the blue frosting on his shirt from the night before. Lo and behold, the shirt was frosting-free.

Martha Stewart�s replacement for the next five months I should be!

After Benito left, the cleaning frenzy began. Usually I clean small amounts each week, but being in Vegas prevented my action. Unfortunately it didn�t prevent dust from settling on every surface.

In addition to the scrub-down involving every cleaner in my house, I also put together my grill, assembled a lamp (a housewarming gift from Crowhihs), and hung some decorative thingy that involved using a hammer(!).

This next weekend I�m putting Benito to work, having him attach the wires for my stereo and CD player to my speakers, help me drain and move the now-defunct fish tank, install a light in my office, and possibly move and set up my TV. Oh the fun we�ll have this weekend!

In all likelihood, I�ll have figured out how to put the speakers in working form and installed the light myself by time the weekend comes along, but he�s still much-needed for the others.

[gush] Actually, he�d much needed in other ways too.

That�s enough of that.

And that�s enough of this entry.�