I wanted to let you know that I already found someone new, and she makes my heart sing like the little boy in the church choir with the angelic soprano voice. She�s 22, and I met her last night at B@r Chic@go. When she was kind enough to get on her knees so the midget pouring shots to the girls dancing atop the bar could better reach her, I knew she had a kind heart to have taken his size and ability to stretch into consideration. Pretending to fellate the bottle as he poured the shot was quite funny too! What a sense of humor she has! She and I made out for the rest of the night in a dark corner as my friends took pictures with their camera phones. We now have mementos from the night we met!

I�m really happy to have this new woman in my life, and I can�t wait to make her my wife. Meeting the parents be damned! What those two fogies think doesn�t matter to me! We live 1,000 miles away from Texas, so it shouldn�t be a problem! It�s not like they�ll see much of us anyway! The hometown church I attended for much of my life would make us wait six months if we were to get married there, so screw it! We considered hitting the court house right by your condo, but we�re heading to Vegas instead. If we get married at The Little White Wedding Chapel, we�ll have something in common with Britney Spears -- how fun!

I also don�t care that she�s in severe debt, has two children from different fathers, and hasn�t worked out a day in her life! I have enough hard-earned savings from my 10+ years of working to bail her out from her difficulties, my mom wants grandchildren anyway, and she can always take up running. You caught on quite quickly, if I recall. Didn�t you go from barely running 2 miles in April to running 26 miles without stopping in October or something insignificant like that? I�m sure she�ll catch on and love it as much as I do.

She�s really opening my eyes to new tastes and interests already. To celebrate our one-day anniversary she took some shredded cheese, mixed it with full-fat sour cream, and spread it on white bread. Believe it or not, after having those particular dislikes for many years, I liked it -- A LOT! I think I�m going to start putting cheese on everything! My world has really expanded in the past 24 hours. Imagine what we�ll experience together by time she turns 24!

Well, Jo, I really must go. I just wanted to share my happiness with you and hope that you�re doing well. You should come to Vegas and throw bird seed at us as we leave. I�ll even let you use my digicam to take pictures of us leaving the chapel! How fun would that be?!?!

Take care,
Benito

P.S. You smell like poop. �