T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o


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Another One Bites the Dust

2007-03-13    4:12 p.m.
I don’t care if we were officially seeing each other or not, but after multiple day and night meet-ups that he initiated where flirty eyes are exchanged and he goes far enough with that flirtation to pucker up and land one on me at the end of the night, something was going on.

And when such things go on, it’s in best form to not have a girlfriend elsewhere.

So when I got an apology email the next day after he ‘fessed up, moved the count onto my second hand to indicate that he was number six in the list of dirt bags who go out with me a few times before I either bust him on MySpace with an “In a Relationship” indicator or one of his friends rats him out, and then decided that he was one I could ask pointed questions toward.

Because, seriously, after six times in a year (actually, a lot less time than that when you consider that I kept myself off the market for about five of those months), there’s gotta be something going on.

I have searched for one common variable that could clue me in. They’re all very different. I met them all in different situations. They grew up in different parts of the country. They vacation in different places. They have different education levels. They prefer different drinks, food, clothes, colognes, on and on and on.

The only common thread is me. Could there be something about me that sets up this scenario? Could there be something in what I do that makes them think this is allowable? Could I somehow be seeking the unavailable who are seemingly available in an attempt to self-sabotage?

Whatever it is, I’m sick of it. Sick, sick, sick of it. I know that I’m not investing much time, effort, or even much heart into these schmucks, but FUCKING HELL. How in the fuck do they all have girlfriends, and how is it that I attract them?

If I was dating slimebags, I’d deserve this. You date the bad-guy persona, expect that shit to happen. But the rest of the guys are stand-up, a-okay, kiss-their-moms-when-they-see-them types.

So I asked him, What is it? What could it possibly be?

Yes, this is a crazy girl move. Since I haven’t pulled one of these since my very early 20s, I figured I’m afforded one good tell-off/pity-party/guilt-inducer after seven years of being my typical brush-it-off self. Hell, it’s not like this is someone I’m ever going to have to face again, so who gives a shit if he thinks I’m nuts for emailing a rant that exceeds all rants that came before.

And what did this man have to say?

Correction: What did this man with a PhD that heavily involves social interactions have to say?

Maybe I should ask guys if they have a girlfriend before I start seeing them more often.

Please allow for a moment of silence to let that statement settle in.

Now, this is the point that if you’re me, you’re seeing red as red as it can be.

Because, Wow. Fucking wow. That’s fucking brilliant.

Because men who cheat on their girlfriends really are the most scrupulous and upstanding men out there. Certainly they'll be truthful when I out-right ask if they have a girlfriend.

How about this: When you have a girlfriend, keep your lips to yourself?

Let the dating hiatus continue. 

Miss something?

Moving Day - 2008-02-15
Working from Home is Glorious - 2008-02-13
Speaking in Tongues - 2008-02-07
I Have My Reasons - 2008-01-25
Got an Itch, Fix it, Shine it Up, Sing it Out - 2008-01-23

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