I covet you. If you showed up in my closet in the Obsidian/White/Obsidian/University Blue colors, I�d be thrilled.

I also have a feeling that you�d get along well with Benito�s red pair in the men�s style.

I�ll place a wager saying that you�ll be around in the next couple weeks.

See you then,
Jo

Dear Wal-Mart brand of body products,

I appreciate you being only a few dollars, but I feel like such a chump for ever buying stuff from any of the variety of mall stores that draw me in with their 3-for-$18 sales.

You�re doing a better and better job of coming out with new scents that match those of the popular stores. I�m quite pleased with Cotton Bouquet�s rip-off of B&BW�s Cottom Blosson. And it was only a dollar. Whee!

Chumpily yours,
Jo

Dear Little Brother,

I�m so proud to hear that you were named a �Player to Watch� by Texas High School Baseball Magazine. You�re awesome and amazing, and you�re gonna go wherever you want to go.

Remember me when you�re looking for a personal assistant,
Jo

Dear 10 tubes of chapstick that I have all over my house,

All the doctors on websites swear that you�re not addictive. Secretly, I think they�re all stockholders or something.

Whatever. As long as you�re about a buck each, I won�t complain anymore.

I�ve got my eye on you all until then,
Jo

Dear Hambone,

I�m so so so glad that you�re home. It�s my favorite when you sleep on my lap while I watch Law and Order (dum! dum!), but pretty much everything you do is great.

You�re the best cat ever.

Stay pet-able and purr-y,
Jo

Dear Lazy-ass Self,

It�s time to get a move on. Make use of that gym membership you pay for each month and try not to look like a fool at the upcoming race and then later at marathon training.

[Self says: Blah. Blah. Blah.]

How about this? You�re getting dumpy.

[Self says: Eek! It�s time for action!]

Don�t get all gross,
Jo

Dear Internet,

With exception to MSN�s front page, Diaryland, and the occasional visit to The Smoking Gun, Drudge Report, or WebMD, I�m pretty much over you.

You�ve provided years of hours in entertainment in the past, but I�ve read everything out there that�s of interest to me.

Blah,
Jo

Dear Neosporin Lip Treatment,

This morning a nice girl gave me a sample and took a picture of me holding a brochure. It was silly, but I wanted to try it out.

Guess what! You�re the greatest! Once I use up some of my ten current tubes of lip stuff, you�ll be my preferred brand.

See you in 2007,
Jo

Dear Benito,

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!

You�re awesome,
Jo

Dear Friday Night,

Between the beer at a friend�s b-day party, the sampling of new liquors at another friend�s house, and the all-you-can-drink at the untz-untz all before midnight, I know well in advance that you�re going to kick my ass.

All I ask is that you be nice to me. See the note above. I want to see him tomorrow at noon, and I don�t want to be hungover or feeling queasy.

Many thanks,
Jo �