This was going to be the entry where I told you about the three-hour long rollerblade I took this lovely afternoon, taking to the street with no particular destination. I would have mentioned getting completely confused, knowing that I was traveling south but west was supposedly to my left. I would have also mentioned how it reminded me of when I first moved here and wandered daily.

This was going to be the entry where I told you about going into a consignment shop and buying a turtleneck for $2 and how I struggled on whether or not to buy a pair of Capri pants also.

This was going to be the entry where I told you about the super nap I took and the crazy dreams I had, and how both Xeran and Ozwald were involved. (Xeran brought his entire extended family to hang out, and I called Oz to ask if he wanted me to bring him a six-pack -- of beer or on a man...) I would have voiced my disappointment that the guy featured in the dream preferred to have his nose in a sack of blow instead of in my crotch.

This was going to be the entry where I told you that I decided to resign my lease instead of letting it expire and returning to Texas at the end of October, as the original plan called for. I would have mention how I freaked out when I saw how much my rent actually was, and how I fretted that I�d have to move with that sort of increase. I would have mentioned that on page two there was an addendum saying my rent had a discount, and I actually pay significantly less per month than the stated rent.

This was going to be the entry where I told you about getting stood up on Friday, me making the best of it and some new friends, and me having a good time nonetheless.

This was going to be the entry where I told you about getting stood up this evening, me making the best of it and some new friends, and me having a good time nonetheless.

This was going to be the entry where I told you about how concert-goers in Chicago are a bunch of nampsy-pampsy bitches who really should just go home. I would have mentioned how this guy called his girlfriend in the middle of a song and held a conversation until I turned and asked him to knock it off. I would have also mentioned this group trying to squeeze their way to the front, only to stop in front of me for an extended amount of time until I asked them to keep it moving. I would have mentioned how much better seeing a show in Austin is than here, the rules I have for seeing a show, and why I don�t see many shows.

All of this could have been interesting, entertaining, or at least space-filling, but this entry goes elsewhere. It�s quite possibly the only entry I�ve ever considered deleting, so we�ll see how that goes in the morning and whether or not it survives.

Tonight I went to a street festival to see Ben Folds perform. A quick word to all: Ben Folds is one if my favorite shows, and it�s one of about five that I�ll go see without any hesitation. I�ve been listening to Ben since Whatever and Ever... Amen was introduced to me in 1998, and I absolutely love what the man does.

Tonight I found myself distracted during the show. I know what�s going on, and it had to do with the big blow-up Guinness pints positioned on both sides of the stage, Ben wearing nerd glasses, and the song Kate being played. No more details there, since it doesn�t contribute to the story and I don�t talk about those sorts of things.

Since my friends bailed before meeting me up there, I was standing alone. I go places by myself regularly, so that really didn�t bother me. But then I remembered seeing all of the concerts in Austin and the company I had there. And in every set, Ben plays The Luckiest -- a song about being with his wife and how friggin� pleased he is that he ran into her and now gets to see her everyday.

Ben concerts were events that The Ex (yes, capital letters) and I did together. As one of the very few shows I�ll actually attend, he was always pleased to hear me excited that I was going someplace despite the loud, crowd, and smoke. And before you think that I�m writing an entry about how much I miss The Ex or some bullshit like that, think again. But I do remember how every time The Luckiest was played, his hand found his way to mine. It was likely my doing, but it was there nonetheless.

And as the encore started with that song, I found my hand was empty. And after shoo-ing the cell phone user (and getting a quiet round of �thank you�-s from those around me), I started thinking. For the first time in a long time, I�m not in love.

I spent nearly six years in love with The Ex. The boyfriend afterwards was loved differently, but loved nonetheless. I then had a very intense relationship with a man mentioned on my 100 Items list who I could have potentially loved.

And here I am now. No boyfriend per se. No thoughts of a white sundress and a trip to Vegas. No thoughts of a chubby-thighed baby taking her first steps and grinning her father�s grin. No thoughts of sitting on the front porch swing at 80 years old, holding the hand I�ve always held, and thinking about how great my life is and has been.

And it feels kind of odd. Some might state the saying, �Living for the moment,� is applicable in this case. Ahhh � Touch�.

The future is uncertain. I may not be feeling it now, but I know I�ll feel it again.

Good night all. �