If you say you want a ticket and you don�t pay for it, I�ll hunt you down.

Speaking of which, I�m about to hunt a particular eBayer down. Let me lay out the scenario:

At the beginning of the month I won an eBay auction on a pair of GAP pants that have been discontinued. I immediately paid with PayPal because I am a good little eBayer who wants no problems.

I wait two weeks and have yet to get a package in the mail. I send off a quick email asking about the status, and I get no response.

I wait another week and have yet to get a package, so I send off another email. No response.

Finally, last Saturday I got my package. I opened it up to take a look, and the damn button is missing.

I wrote a nice email to the lady saying that I�d like to get my money back on the auction. And if she wants the pants back, I�ll mail them to her.

Well, I got back a snitty little email about how she doesn�t understand people complaining when they get such a great deal on a pair of pants. (BTW -- For the price once shipping was added, and I would have definitely thought twice about it had I encountered the same deal in a thrift store.) If I�d like to send back the item, I need to pay all shipping, and she�ll only refund my auction amount and not include the original shipping.

So I took a day to think about my response. I�d be inclined to call her Spelly McNoGrammar since she proved herself a genius to the English language (e.g., �I never even seen the pants!�) and demand that she give me my money back, you bitch. (No confusion -- This is a Ben Folds reference, not a comment to Blue and her character!)

So I took a deep breath and composed this email:

I realize that you're upset about misjudging the shipping price and not getting competitive bids on this item; however, both are out of my control and not my fault. None of the terms you laid out are acceptable, and it's obvious that we're not going to find middle ground. I am upset that this auction didn't go well, but one bum auction out of the several I've done before isn't too bad luck. At least this wasn't a high-dollar item.

I hope you were able to help your sister out. Please don't forget to look over items before you send things out! It's less-than-satisfying to get an awaited package and not be able to get instant gratification with a simple wash-and-wear :) Positive buyer feedback would be much-appreciated for this auction, as I'm sure you would think so too.

So the plan? Get my positive feedback and then nail her with negative comments and an eBay demand that she give me my money back, you bitch.

And, no. That�s not a Ben Folds reference.�