I just got back from the after-volleyball bar, so I�m a little feisty. Believe me -- It�s not the meatless burger or the tater tots that do it either, buddy. Damn beers on sale for $2.50 will make anyone feisty.

All right. So we�ve established that I�m feisty and that I�ve had beer.

[Think, brain, think. Where were we going with this?]

Oh yes. So I was on the el, on my way home when I caught sight of this couple. And for some reason (perhaps the feisty-beer combo, Jo?) I couldn�t help but keep staring at them.

It wasn�t because they were incredibly cute together or sweetly glancing into each others eyes or any of that hokey stuff you see when you spend a weekend watching me and Benito playing videogames or watching VH1 marathons on the couch either.

It was because I wanted to bitch-slap them both for being annoying individuals.

Combine two annoying individuals with a hint of sexual chemistry, and BAM! It�s exponential annoyingness.

Have you ever had the urge to tell people off? (Perhaps after beer while feeling feisty?)

I wanted to smack these people and tell them exactly what I thought of them.

You, sir. You should drink more water because your socks indenting into your calves indicates that you�re retaining it. You should also cut your hair because men with long hair look like ugly women. And when you sneeze, sneeze into your elbow instead of your hands to pass fewer germs.

And you, lady. Don�t talk. You�re voice is abrasive and clearly has no volume control. And that smug �I told you so� to your boyfriend was uncalled for. Also, you need a pushup bra like you wouldn�t believe.

So when she asked if the train stop was anywhere near State Street and he started wondering aloud to himself about the validity of her navigational abilities, I silently pointed east.

�JUST A FEW BLOCKS THAT WAY, HUH?�

I cringed and then just nodded.

And as they walked off as two extreme nerds hand-in-hand, I headed back to my house with a sour look on my face. �