Yes, Bill. I�m dressed like a little bit of a slut today.

Me: Why do you have a hatchet?

Dad: Because the employee handbook says nothing about me not being allowed to have a hatchet. All this shit about guns and knives... So I got me a hatchet!

Me: And what if they update the handbook because of you?

Dad: I'll get a machete.

[silence]

Dad: And if they add that, I'll bring in my spear.

I know that people want to be like me and all, but is using my credit card really isn�t necessary?

The other day I logged into the Discover Card website, only to find that my balance was too high. Whereas I might go a little crazy at Old Navy occasionally, this was about $300 off of that might-as-well-be-crack habit of mine.

For some reason, an Office Max in Ohio seems to think that I ordered $281 of crap from them.

Seeing that I couldn�t even remember the last time I�d been into an Office Max, this threw me off a bit.

You can bet there was all sorts of cursing before I called the friendly folks at Discover to cancel my card and report it as stolen. We�ll see how this goes...

I expect nothing less than a hassle. That way, if Discover card makes everything a-okay and I don�t have to do anything, I�ll be pleasantly surprised.

The gawd-damn cookie peddlers found their way to me again.

I was talking with a friend who recently moved into his first house in an honest-to-goodness neighborhood. Over the past several years we�d encountered the little pushers outside of every pizza joint, video store, and grocery chain from the Piney Woods region outside of Houston to the might-as-well-be-Oklahoma range just north Dallas.

I asked about his buying and spending now that the confectionary mongers were in full force. He said he�d support the organization by buying one box from each girl. However, this didn�t pan out. When the hordes of little girls slowed up with their door-knocking, bell-ringing, and cookie-offering, he started worrying that 20 boxes weren�t enough. So then he bought en masse.

And I thought handing over a check for $30-something dollars for a few boxes of cookies was ridiculous! I�ve got nothin� on my friend.

I was always amused with cookie selling approaches differed.

The little girls gave me sad little girl eyes, saying they were tired and were ready to go home to guilt me into buying a box of Carmel deLites.

The little-bit-older girls told me I had awesome hair or a rockin� body, and I was putty in their cookie-holding hands.

However, the high school kids selling the damn cookies merely had a sign that said, �Got milk? I�ve got cookies.�

Something tells me that a sign offering one�s cookies would have gotten more response from a group of attractive 17-year-old girls. Too bad I wasn�t more creative in high school. The Girl Scouts would have made a killing...

Last night I got suckered into browsing the jewelry section on eBay. And when I say that I was suckered into browsing, I mean that I was retarded enough to log into the site to check my currently-running auctions and then click the jewelry category button.

Right now I�m going through a major junk purge, something eBay shopping isn�t going to help. I�ve gotten rid of two books, a DVD, and a pair of LEI jeans thus far, and each night I find more to list online.

And although I�m getting rid of stuff as best I can without just chucking it all into the garbage chute in my apartment, I put in a bid on something.

Something small.

Something sparkly.

Something completely bling-worthy that I�ll wear each and every day from now until it�s greatness is no longer appreciated.

You�re gonna think I�m dating a baller.

You�re gonna think I�ve hit the big time.

You�re still gonna think it�s absolutely fabulous.

You�re also gonna think I�m absolutely ridiculous.

I got me a big ol� fake copy of the mega-shiny J Lo engagement ring.

Bring on the bling!

I don�t run the shinythings diaryring for nuthin�.�