T h e A d v e n t u r e s o f C h i c a g o J o

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New Hobby, George, and Dentists

2006-04-04† Ė† 5:55 p.m.
Last night I went to my first boxing lesson. I signed up from now until the middle of June, and that should be plenty of time for me to get used to whatís going on and maybe even step into the ring. Iím attempting to be a tougher Jo since I really do feel like such a wiener lately.

Everyone there is pretty hardcore. They jump rope quickly. They hit the big, heavy bags quickly. They do the speed bag quickly. Etc., etc., etc. Itís kinda intimidating, but I have to remember that I have to start somewhere. I might as well start here and see how it goes.

Now that I have the opportunity to do this four nights a week, I really have to start getting up in the mornings to go run. Thereís no way Iíll be able to do both without changing my schedule.

On the upside, Iíll be one lean, mean fighting machine. And, yes, Iím taking that off the George Foreman grill commercials...

He was the heavyweight champion of the world, and heís best known for that damn grill. I would have some sympathy for him, but Iíve seen his house.

No sympathy for you, George! None!

Speaking of not getting sympathy, I went to the dentist today on my shiny new insurance.

Talk about a sham!

I donít floss.

Two nights a week I donít brush my teeth before bed because I get drunk, stumble home, and pass out.

I donít go for regular cleanings.

Of course I say that Iím the model tooth-taker-carer. And each and every time a dentist has stuck his or her hand into my mouth, I get the same comments about me doing things well.

Dentists, Iím onto you.

Another sham is dental insurance. I have a fake tooth, front and center. Iíve had this fake tooth for half of my life. Seeing that itís been in there for so long, my gums are awfully angry that thereís metal and porcelain up against it.

However, despite the gum being angry, the tooth appearing significantly smaller than the one right next to it, and it being there for ages, unless itís showing signs of decay, insurance wonít pitch in to get a new tooth.

Iím going to have to get my gums cut by a surgeon because theyíre in such bad shape right now, pay for the new tooth itself, and pay for a temporary tooth while the new, real one is being made.

After the sticker price on that, I was told that to make sure my two front teeth matched, I should shell out another grand to get a matching veneer on the tooth next to it.

I need a dentist who is crooked enough to tell the insurance company that thereís decay galore, not one who says that I do a great job with the nonexistent flossing and suggests I pay another grand to match up my teeth.

Of course, if this whole boxing thing works out, I just might have grounds for the dentist to tell the insurance company that I need a new tooth.

Now weíre talking. Now weíre talking.

Happy Tuesday all. †

Miss something?

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